part 3 A timeless connection J2 bigbang

[dol_moon]

Jared wakes up, Jensen’s sprawled out on top of him the room is dark and he has no idea what time it is. He shakes Jensen. “Jensen, wake up.” He whispers in his ear.


Jensen grumbles and rubs his face against Jared’s chest. “What?” He says sleepily.

“I think it’s late.” Jared says concern in his voice.

“What’s the hurry?” Jensen says pushing himself up to look around. “Wow its dark out.” He laughs before looking down into Jared face and leaning in for a kiss.

“You don’t understand Jensen I have dogs, they need things that I should have been there hours ago to do for them.”

Jensen leans over taking his watch off of the night stand and presses the illumination button revealing the time. “It's only 3:30 Jared, no worries.” He lays it back down and then picks it back up. “Jesus Jared it's 3:30 am.” He says startled.

He pushes Jensen off of him and jumps out of bed. “I have to get back to my place. I have dogs to take care of. I have to get ready for work. I have to get my car.” He rattles off in a panic.

“Calm down, it’s gonna all be ok Jared.” Jensen lays his hand on Jared’s shoulder. “One step at a time.” He leans up and kisses Jared’s forehead. “First I’ll take you home to take care of the dogs, then you can get ready for work and I’ll get ready for work while you’re caring for the dogs and then we’ll go to work together. Okay?”

Jared takes a deep breath. “Okay that sounds plausible.” He nods his head in agreement as he gets dressed.

Jensen pulls fresh clothes from the dresser and throws on his old ones from the floor before heading down to the kitchen. He pours the thickened dregs of coffee from the other morning into a mug, adds more water and pops it in the microwave. He pours Jared a glass of Orange Juice. Jared emerges hair tussled, his clothes disheveled and a sleepy look in his eyes.
“God, could you be more gorgeous?” Jensen says handing him the OJ.
“Yeah, right.” Jared rolls his eyes and scoffs as he downs his Orange Juice.

The microwave dings, he pulls his coffee out adds creamer and sugar before tasting it and scrunches up his face and shudders. “Ewwww, mud.” He says pouring it down the drain. “One stop before we get to your place, Starbucks.” He says pulling his keys off the counter and grabbing his pile of clothes while heading for the door.


As Jared puts his keys in the door, looks at Jensen and says “Stand back this has the potential to be disastrous.” Jensen takes a step back holding his coffee and clothes high in the air. “Why, are they vicious dogs?” Jensen says his eyes wide a frown across his mouth.

“No… just, overly friendly with anyone I bring home, so I don’t generally bring many people home.” Jared laughs as the key turns, the lock clicking and he slowly pushes the door open inch by inch. The door is cracked open just enough that a tan furry snout pushes its way through whimpering.
Jared reaches in rubbing the dog’s nose his face lights up with a huge smile and his eyes are bright with joy. “Sadie baby, daddy’s home.” He coos through the door pushing it open even farther.

The dog jumps up both paws landing on each of Jared’s shoulders and Jensen stands still and steady not moving in the hall as he watches Jared rub behind the dogs ears. Just as he finishes loving all over the one he called Sadie another dog about the same color only larger comes storming from the back of the apartment and jumps hard on him knocking Jared backwards. Jensen goes completely still his eyes darting for an escape as he looks at the elevator doors closed and sealed tight.
“Harley!” Jared commands pushing the dog off of him and putting his index finger to his snout. “Stay!” he says his voice hard and commanding.

Jared looks back at Jensen clutching his coffee, his clothes tucked under his arm staring at the elevator and steps into the hallway. “It’s okay Jensen.” He says putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder and kissing his cheek. “I made it sound worse than it is. Just come inside, let them smell you, pet them on the head and they will warm right up.” His grin is wide and innocent as he leads Jensen inside the doorway.

Jensen cautiously follows Jared inside waiting for the jolting pounce that never comes, instead Harley and Sadie sit side by side, mouths open, tongues out panting with friendly eyes as their tails wag excitedly back and forth across the hardwood floor.

“Now just let them smell your hand Jen.” Jared says holding out his own hand palm face up at the dogs.

Jensen hands Jared his coffee. “Like this?” he turns his hand palm up and slowly puts it under Sadie’s nose, she cautiously sniffs at him when Harley joins in smelling all over Jensen’s fingers and palm before licking a wet strip up the side to his wrist. Jensen laughs and pulls back wiping the spit on his slacks.

“Harley.” Jared says embarrassed.

“It’s okay Jared.” Jensen takes his coffee back and takes a long swallow his hand still rubbing hard on his thigh.

Jared pulls two leads off the wall beside the door and hooks them onto the dog’s collars.
“If you want to shower while I take the dogs for their walk, its straight back that hall.” He points straight ahead Jensen following his finger’s general direction. “Clean towels are in the bottom drawer of the chest in the bathroom and you can use my body wash. It’s Axe.” He says wiggling his eyebrows, a mischievous grin across his lips. Jensen laughs at his facial expression finds it slightly seductive and leans in for a kiss as the dogs watch with interest.

Jensen pets the dogs on the head, Harley bumping into Jensen’s crotch as he leans over to pet Sadie. “Whoa there Harley.” He says backing up nervously.

“Harley, be good.” Jared commands. “I’m so sorry; he has an unhealthy obsession with crotches.” Jared’s cheeks flush with embarrassment. Jensen laughs as he protects his crotch from another attack. “Don’t we all.” His smile so wide his eyes crinkle at the corners. Jared smiles back as he leads the dogs out the door into the hallway. “I’ll be back in about twenty minutes or so.” He closes the door behind himself. Jensen hears the elevator ding, the scurry of dog paws and a mumble from Jared, he laughs at the domestic feel of it all.

He slowly walks back down the hall taking notice of the apartment. It’s bigger than he expected with a large living room full of furniture that looks like Jared’s had it since his first day of college. The dining room has a large dining table but it’s full of books, dog chew toys, a laptop, and in the center a bowl of plastic fruit. The kitchen nook is small, it’s off of the dining room just a countertop separating the two rooms and it’s basically sparse with just a refrigerator, oven and microwave. There are dirty dishes in the sink, empty beer bottles on the countertop next to the stove and a pot on the stovetop; he doesn’t want to look inside because he fears what he might find. There are three large dog dishes on the floor next to the dishwasher all empty waiting to be filled.

He walks farther back the hall. There are two bedrooms, one full of boxes being used for storage with two large dog beds on the floor that look they have never been used. The other bedroom has a large unmade bed, a dresser, a mirror on the wall and two nightstands only one lamp and books everywhere on the floor, the dresser, and the nightstands, everywhere. Jensen laughs and shakes his head.

The Bathroom is small but adequate with a tall dresser shoved in the corner, a sink with vanity mirror, of course toilet and a small shower. Jensen opens the door to the shower and turns it on as he undresses. He opens the bottom drawer of the chest and pulls out a very large bath towel. He thinks it’s big enough to be a bed sheet. He steps inside the shower ,hot water spraying right in his face. He reaches up for the showerhead groping to tilt the head down but he can’t find it. He steps forward against the shower wall and looks up, the head is about a foot higher than normal. He thinks about the towel, the showerhead, and Jared’s height and can’t help but chuckle at all of it. He reaches up, adjusts the head and finishes showering.

The door swings open and the dogs run inside. Jensen is sitting on the couch fully dressed, hair still wet from the shower. He looks back at Jared as he’s peeling his coat off before disappearing into the kitchen, the sound of hard pellets hitting plastic echoes through the room before he hears water rushing into a container. Jared’s voice is maternal and soothing as Jensen listens to him talk to the dogs. “There now, enjoy.” He says and Jensen can only guess he’s petting them on the head as he talks to them. Jensen smiles at how gentle and special Jared actually is and he can’t help but feel his heart skip a beat when he hears his footsteps coming closer.

Jared steps into the living room. “Smells like you used the Axe.” He laughs sliding down onto the couch next to Jensen. His fingers are cold as he gently runs them across Jensen’s neck, a sly smile crossing his lips, and Jensen can’t help but want to kiss him into a dizzying frenzy.

“Its 4:30, what time do you usually arrive at work?” Jensen says looking at his watch.

“I leave about 6:00 to be in by about 7:00am.” Jared scoots closer to him pushing his hip into Jensen’s.
“So… we basically have almost two hours before we leave?” Jensen pushes his shoulder into Jared’s, their bodies sliding comfortably against each other. “I should have waited to shower.” He says leaning in to kiss Jared’s expectant mouth. The soft gentle glide of tender flesh hot and supple molding together, their breath soft, relaxed and so comfortable as Jared leans in, his hands grasping at Jensen’s shoulders pulling him tight as he pushes him backwards onto the seat cushions.
“No one said you can’t take two showers.” Jared says around Jensen’s mouth.
Jensen puffs out a laugh. “No, no they didn’t.”

**~~~**~~~**

Several Months later…..

Things are going smoothly, Jared spends a lot of his new found spare time with Jensen doing things he always wanted to do like going to the Zoo, seeing movies he has always wanted to see, eating at different restaurants and actually enjoying life outside of the University for a change. He loves having Jensen to expand his horizons and share his heart and bed with, this connection is deeper than he ever imagined love would feel like.

Jensen has learned how to care for and love Sadie and Harley; he even broke Harley of his obsessive crotch obsession. They spend their time between Jared’s apartment and Jensen’s house, which they really like because Jensen has a yard and Jared really loves it there too because it feels more like home than his apartment. Jensen loves having them to fuss over, cook for and love, his life feels richer for having his new found family.

Jensen’s never felt so happy, he feels more like his life is right here, right now, in this very moment than he has ever felt. He hasn’t even felt the need to time slip in months because nothing in his life needs fixing, nothing is out of place.

The sun seeps through the tightly closed curtains of Jensen’s bedroom his arms wrapped lovingly around Jared, the dogs on the floor at the foot of the bed and Jensen knows this is how he wants to wake up every morning for the rest of his life. He’s safe and content with his man and their dogs.

Jared stirs, rolling over as his back presses into Jensen’s side and he snuggles in closer pushing in tight before pulling Jensen’s arm under his head positioning it in the curve of his neck then lacing his fingers through Jensen’s.

Jensen rolls on his side pressing his chest into Jared’s back burying his face into the back of his neck laying soft kisses along the hair line, the soft hairs tickling his nose as he nuzzles. “I want you to move in with me.” His breath hot against Jared’s flesh, his voice soft and low. Jared giggles at the tickle. He groans a contented sound before squeezing Jensen’s hand with his fingers. “Did you say something Jen?” His voice sleepy, Texas accent thick on his tongue. Jensen licks Jared’s neck, a hot slick wet glide across the base of his neck up to his ear and nips at the lobe before whispering hot into his ear. “Move in with me.” His mouth nuzzling comfortably at Jared’s ear. Jared’s eyes flutter open at the statement; he turns his head until he’s face to face with Jensen looking up at him with wide eyes. “Move in with you?” he says repeating with question. Jensen smiles and kisses his mouth with a soft intimate kiss. “Yes, move in with me.”

Jared smiles, his eyes welling with tears, his lips quivering with emotion. “Jen, are you sure? I mean, yeah I can see me and you living together until we’re old men but the kids too?” Jensen looks towards the foot of the bed hearing the dogs snoring. “I wouldn’t have it any other way. They love the yard, I love them, I love you, they’re your kids, they’re our kids and I want you here with me in our home, together.” Jared pulls Jensen down into a deep passionate kiss their lips tangled tongues swirling against each other and Jared breaks off still holding Jensen’s head in his hands, eyes meeting gazing deep into Jensen’s. “I, we, wouldn’t have it any other way either.” He sits up and calls the dogs. “Sadie, Harley.” The dogs jump up on the bed and trample over Jensen to get to Jared nuzzling at his face. “We’re home kids, we are home.”

two weeks later…
Jensen stands at the dining room table sorting through old unopened mail, work papers, notes and Old newspapers. “I don’t know how you ever found anything on this table Jared.” He says with exasperation. Jared laughs the sound coming from the kitchen. “Really, I never bothered looking for anything on there, once it hit the table it was fodder for the Universe to figure out. “ He laughs even harder dishes clanking as he puts them in a box on the counter. He walks over with a large trash bag and with a mighty sweep of his arm pushes half of the table into the bag. “There, that should be about right.” Jensen starts laughing. “So nothing on the table goes with you?” Jared looks over it and plucks the glass fruit bowl from the center of the table and tucks it under his arm. “Now everything goes in the trash.” Jensen looks at the bowl filled with dusty plastic fruit. “Really, you’re keeping a glass bowl with dusty plastic fruit but hand written notes with quantum physics equations on them go in the trash?” Jared smiles, rubs the bowl like it’s the most precious thing he has ever held and smiles. “It’s a house warming gift from my Mother. She thought I needed a touch of home when I moved in and she brought over this bowl with a bag of plastic fruit, told me to get a dining room table and put this in the center. She smiles at it every time she visits. So now, it’s going on your, I mean, our, dining room table at home.” Jensen chuckles as he stares at the dusty fruit. “Okay but you’re buying new fruit no dusty old plastic fruit on our table.” Jensen kisses Jared and smacks his behind as he walks back to the kitchen to pack the bowl with the dishes.

They pack all the boxes into the back of Jensen’s truck before heading back to the apartment for the moving sale that Jared advertised for this weekend. It stated, Moving Sale; Everything must go because I’m going. He had hung a flyer up on the campus bulletin board and put an ad in the campus Newspaper.

Three hours into the sale and everything but an old coat rack and his collection of VHS tapes recorded from the television episodes of the original Ripley’s Believe it or Not was sold. Jensen sits on the countertop cashbox on his lap, a fist of dollar bills in his hand. “Three hundred and nine dollars and twenty-five cents, not bad Jared. Sorry I couldn’t unload the VHS tapes. I really tried and almost had that nerdy guy with the crooked button down shirt convinced to buy them but I guess he thought ten cents was too much for VHS television taped episodes.” Jensen chuckles as he stuffs the cash back into the box.

Jared tucks the box of tapes under his arm and decides to leave the coat rack for the next tenant, setting it next to the doorway before closing the door and turning the key to lock it.

2010

Jensen sits in the airport passenger pick-up area waiting for Jared to get off the plane from the symposium he attended over the weekend to give a speech about his paper on String theory. He looks over at the gate as Jared walks through the doorway his carry on slung over his shoulder, beanie on his head and bulky winter coat over his other arm. Jensen smiles and walks over to him taking him in his arms hugging him. “I missed you.” He says kissing him.

Jared smiles a tender sad smile. “I’m so glad to be home, you’ll never know how glad.” His arm wrapping around Jensen’s waist as they walk to the exit.

The dogs greet Jared at the door; he drops his bag and coat to love on them. Jensen smiles at the sight. “Are you hungry?” Jared shakes his head no. “I just want to lie down, I’m really exhausted. It was a very long weekend Jen.” Jensen has never heard him sound so sad. Jared walks up to the bedroom and strips before lying down across the bed, head in his hands.

Jensen follows him up the stairs, opening the door to the bedroom and looking in on him. “Jay.” He walks over to the bed and sits on the edge. “What’s wrong?” Jensen lays his hand on Jared’s back rubbing lightly.

“I really don’t want to talk about it Jen.”

“It might help if you did.” Jensen says shifting on the bed to lie down next to Jared wrapping his arms around him.

He turns to face Jensen, putting his hand on Jensen’s face, tracing the soft curves of his mouth before leaning in for a gentle kiss his eyes transfixed on Jensen’s. “I’m not sure what’s going to happen Jen, I’ve been trying for almost a year to get funded for the next three years but it’s like the well is dry for me.” His eyes fill with tears. “This is the first time in five years that I’m not sure what’s going to happen with my work.”

“Aren’t there any more avenues you can explore for funding? I mean this can’t be the last straw Jay there has to be money out there waiting to help you.”

Jared heaves a deep sigh, his hand dropping to the bed. “There were twenty Alumni contributors to the science department there, none of them showed any interest in funding me. I pressed the flesh Jen, I wooed and cooed, and pimped myself in the most Scientific whorish manners I could to them but nothing, no checks not one mention of funding for me.”

Jensen breathes deep, his lungs struggling to fill with air as his heart sinks for Jared. “What happens now?”
“I wait to see what they say at my review next week. If it’s not good I’ll have a few months to clear out the lab and that will be that. I’ll be out of a job for the first time since I graduated.”

Jensen pulled Jared tight, his arms wrapping around him like a blanket pulling his face in tight to his neck stroking his hair. “Everything will work out fine Jay.” His voice comforting and calm.


All the next day Jensen can’t stop thinking about Jared’s problem and he can’t help but understand that possibly for the first time in five years he might have to Slip to fix this problem for him. He’s not even sure if he can anymore. He hasn’t used his powers in five years, not since he met Jared and they fell in love. No need to fix something that isn’t broken and that is all Jensen did with his powers, used them to fix what needed changed in his life to make it better. He’s never even thought of using them for any type of monetary gain or criminal actions, until now. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind because he didn’t even know if Jared needed that kind of help yet or even if at all.

****

Two weeks later…

Jared collects the mail thumbing through it before laying it on the desk, he spots a letter addressed to him from the University and his heart stops, sinks to his stomach and he calls for Jensen. “Jen!” He drops all the mail on the floor except for the letter which he is worrying between his thumb and forefinger when Jensen runs in from outside wiping his greasy hands with an even greasier rag.

“What’s wrong Jay?” He looks at Jared’s face, the worry in his eyes, and the letter in his hands. Jared swallows hard and pushes the letter in Jensen’s direction. “It’s from the University Science Department.” He says his words cracking in his tight throat.

Jensen takes the letter looking at it before running his finger under the glued flap of the envelope pulling it loose and slipping out the white crisp paper tucked inside. He looks into Jared’s eyes, they’re filled with worry. Jared’s hands are clasped together like he’s praying and his lips are squeezed into a thin tight white line. “It might not be bad news Jay. Take a deep breath.” Jared listens as if in a trance gasping in a hard ragged breath before exhaling loud and hard. “Good, now I’m going to read it.” He says unfolding the letter. It seems like hours as the paper makes rustling sounds in Jared’s ears as it unfolds, he watches Jensen’s fingers slide up the page to the corner gripping it tenderly, pulling it straight before reading it to Jared.

Mr. Jared Padalecki,

We are sorry to inform you that the interest in the Theoretical Science Department has been small this year and only a small amount of funding has been donated to the University.

We were unable to sustain any non teaching funding for this part of the Science Department and therefore your funding has been cut.

We are sad to lose you but as there are no other positions available to your specific
Field we must ask you to step down relinquishing your laboratory back to the Science Department. You have 30 days to vacate the Lab and turn in all of your keys and equipment back to the Science Department office.

Thank you for your loyal and dedicated services. Many of your theories over the last 5yrs have proven to be very useful within the Scientific Academia of this University and we hope that when funding is available we are able to ask you to rejoin our staff again.

Yours Truly,
James Beaver
Dean of Administration


Jensen’s voice cracks as he reads the letter, his heart pounds and he doesn’t look at Jared until the very end.

Jared clutches the wall his mouth open and panting with panic, his knees feel weak, his limbs are numb and he sinks to the floor a tiny sob escaping his throat as he squeezes his eyes shut and buries his face in his hands. “I…I…I’m a failure Jen, a failure.” He says into his hands.

Jensen drops to his knees embracing Jared pulling him in tight. “You’re not a failure. These things happen and there is nothing you can do about it.” He places a soft kiss on Jared’s head as he rocks him back and forth their bodies crumpled on the floor.

Jared spends the entire weekend in bed. Jensen is distraught, he doesn’t know what to do to help him. He fumbles through Saturday spending a good part of the day in bed with Jared just holding him, comforting him and coaxing him to eat. He watches as the man he loves falls apart and he is helpless to do anything about it.

Sunday is another day of pain and Jensen can’t bring himself to spend the day comforting Jared again, he needs to find a way to help him. He entertains the idea of trying to slip just to see if he can. He bites his lower lip nervous with the idea of trying it, what if he can’t, what if he lost that skill when he quit five years ago? His mind reels with the possibilities and he finally decides to try and move backwards just a few hours to test himself.

He closes his eyes and thinks about their kitchen, the sun streaming in the small window above the sink, his hands in the warm soapy water as he washes the dishes. He takes a deep breath letting his muscles go limp, his mind focusing on only the feel of the warm soapy water, two hours earlier, and his head starts to buzz. He feels the fade, then the electricity tingling all over his body, his heart rate speeds up and then the inevitable feeling of a sleep like state.

Jensen opens his eyes, his hands warm and wet, the warm sun hitting his face as he grips the sponge and pushes it against the plate as he does the dishes. He looks at the clock on the wall and he is most definitely two hours earlier in the day. He smiles, proud of himself and now feels like there might be something he can do to help Jared, he just doesn’t know what, yet.

They report early to work on Monday morning, Jensen going with Jared to help him get started with the packing up of the lab. He watches Jared carefully pull supplies from the long locker next to his desk as he unfolds and tapes boxes together. His heart sinks at the empty lonely look in Jared’s eyes and all he wants to do is make him smile again.

Sitting in the Library Jensen can’t get any of his research done, his pen tucked between his teeth, hands propping up his head holding his temples, elbows planted firmly on the table. His mind is reeling with ways to save Jared’s job, to get him the money he needs to keep his Lab up and running. He knows it’s too late, that the die has been cast and in this space and time he can’t do anything to help him but he can’t help but feel the urge to save him, the need to protect him from this pain.

Friday night Jensen and Jared bring home a load of the boxes full of papers and equipment from the Lab. Jensen drops the tailgate on the truck sliding the boxes to the edge. Jared opens the garage door before taking a few of the boxes and stacking them neatly inside of the garage. Jensen brings the last box from the truck and sets it down next the others. He opens the extra refrigerator and takes out two beers handing one to Jared. “It’s all going to be alright Jay.” He says with confidence as he cracks the cap on his beer and takes a long swallow. Jared looks at him and gives a half hearted smile before cracking his cap and drinking from the bottle. “You know, it’s not even the fact that the funding dried up.” He looks over at Jensen pushing the beer bottle in the direction of the boxes. “It’s the fact that they didn’t even have the decency to tell me in person, to call me to the office and break it to me like I’m an actual man not just funding.” Jensen blows out a harsh hiss of breath, takes a long swallow from his beer and puts his hand on Jared’s shoulder. “You’ll find something else and in no time at all the University will be a fond memory of where you got your start.” Jared smiles his eyes showing the emotion of happiness as he looks into Jensen’s confident eyes. “I hope you’re right Jen, I hope your right.”


Sunday morning Jared stays in bed his bout of depression hitting him in the gut hard and Jensen can’t do anything about it but bring him food and lay next to him on and off all day.

Jensen sits in the darkened living room, the television light dancing in his eyes. He’s not watching it, not paying any attention to what’s on because his brain is whirring with ideas on how to bring Jared out of his funk. The sound of a woman’s screeching voice breaks his concentration and he looks over to see an infomercial about a food grill invading his private time. He flips the channel until he stops on the game show network. The World Poker Tour is showing, he looks at it mindlessly the pile of chips in the center of the table, the way the cards are dealt, hands slipping over the green velvet and he watches as the pot grows to over 100,000 dollars and the grand prize for the winner is take all, 2million dollars. His heart skips a beat as he hits the dvr button and records the rest of the show. He gets an idea, he watches it over again, studying the hands, the cards, the winners, the losers, and he knows what he wants to do. He wants to go back two weeks, sign up for the poker tournament and win Jared the money to save his funding. He gets up and goes over to his laptop sitting on the kitchen table and looks up all of the information on how to sign up for the tournament.

He needs to set his plan into motion. He finds out it costs five thousand dollars to join. He swallows hard but knows he has it in his rainy day fund and hey it’s for Jared so no loss because he is going to win. He finds out that you sign up online but your entry needs to be at least two weeks before the competition and it’s held in Las Vegas. Jensen knows what he has to do.

Jensen makes a sandwich and a cup of tea taking it upstairs to the bedroom to Jared. He smiles at Jared laying on the bed his head under the covers. He sits down next to him and offers him the food.

Jared uncovers his head peeking out with over sleepy eyes and sits up. “You realize you’re too good for me don’t you.” He takes a bite of the sandwich. Jensen laughs and touches Jared’s cheek. “I love you and that means for better or worse remember.” He holds up his left hand, golden band shining in the dim lamplight. Jared smiles against his bite of sandwich and leans over to kiss Jensen but Jensen pulls back. “Not with sandwich mouth, you’re not kissing me like that.” He starts to laugh but then kisses Jared anyway soft lips pushed against Jared’s and he can feel him swallow his bite before kissing back feverishly.

Jensen holds Jared’s head still, finishes the kiss and pulls off looking into Jared’s eyes earnestly. “It’s all going to be fine Jay tomorrow is a new day and it’s all going to be fine.” He closes his mouth over Jared’s before he can say anything in return.

It’s Monday morning and Jensen’s spacious office feels too small. He thinks about Jared, about the poker tournament and his hands sweat with the possibilities of what he is considering. He knows he has never done this before, never even entertained the idea of cheating at life. Yeah sure he fixed schoolwork, tests, and an occasional meet up with a cute guy but never any monetary cheating because it feels way too much like stealing.

He knows if he is going to do this, this, thing with the poker tournament he is going to have to do it now because he doesn’t want to lose his nerve. He knows he has to think about where he wants to be, what space in time, what date he is going to need and he isn’t all too sure where his laptop was about a month ago because he has to go back that far just to sign up. He figures his best bet would be to slip back to a day when he would have been working here in his office or at the library because he would have his computer with him then. He flips through his date book and finds that he was in the library on Wednesday three weeks ago for research because he had to book the appointment to use the reference room books. This is where he is going to start his plan.

He takes in a deep breath and closes his eyes, puts his hands flat on the cool wood of his uncluttered desk and focuses his mind on the hard wood paneled walls of the library. He thinks about the date, the time of day he would have been there, the smell of books, old paper yellowed and slipping between the pads of his fingers. His head starts to buzz, his breathing slows, electricity shoots through his body, his fingertips are tingling, body going numb and he relaxes against the feeling letting it take him into that place, that bizarre quiet place in his mind just before he feels his brain shut down, sleep like sensation washing over him and he slips.

Jensen opens his eyes; he’s face down in a book with drool running off of his lower lip. He sits upright and looks around, seeing people scattered about at the long tables adorning the room. It’s the library, the right place but something feels off. He searches the table for his laptop but it’s not there. He never goes to the library without it, not to research things, he needs it. He reaches under the table for his shoulder bag grabs the fabric handle and pulls on it, but when he pulls it out, it’s a backpack. He looks at it and it’s strangely familiar to him. He opens it; it’s filled with books, text and notebooks. He looks around the room confused. Something just seems wrong about this. He looks at the book he was sleeping on. Contemporary Literature for the Twentieth Century. He scowls, knits his brow and shakes his head. He remembers taking this course when he was a senior in college but that was ten years ago. He’s so confused he can’t understand what’s happening.

He shoves the book into the backpack and stands up to leave and looks down at himself, his clothes are not like something he would wear now but like something he might have worn in college. He has on a black t-shirt, a flannel shirt over it, faded jeans with a hole in the knee and converse sneakers. He touches his face feeling the thick stubble on his chin, just like the wannabe beard he wore his senior year in college. He rushes over to the wall next to the exit doors where the atomic clock and calendar hangs on the wall. He looks up at it and reads the date. Wednesday October 10th 2000. He drops the backpack to the floor his jaw slack and open with surprise. Everything starts to spin and he can’t help but feel so dizzy that he wants to fall down, grab the floor and beg for it to stop moving before he vomits.

Jensen closes his eyes right there at the exit doors, takes a deep breath and focuses on his desk back in his office in the year 2010, how the wood felt under his palms, how the chair held his back erect and he waits for the feeling, that buzzing sound to engulf his head, the feeling of electricity surging through his body, that overwhelming feeling of sleep overtaking him but nothing comes. He squeezes his eyes tighter as he’s rolling his hands into loose fists, pushing his shoulders back, neck straight and erect, jaw clenched tight as he tries again this time adding the need and want he so often feels when he slips forward again. He thinks of Jared, how he loves him, how he is doing this for him, the way the kitchen looks, how the sugar bowl had the lid tipped upside down this morning when he left for work, how Jared kissed him good-bye before he walked out the door and he waits for the rush of adrenaline that accompanies the buzzing, hot electric ripples, calm drifting feelings to overtake him but again nothing. His hands tremble and tears well in his eyes as panic sets in flooding his entire body. He’s scared, this has never happened before; he has never been…… stuck…. in time before.

He leans against the electronic pillar at the exit and composes himself, pushing the panic to the bottom of his stomach, taking deep breaths as he looks out the glass doors at the white stone steps leading across campus to the row of red brick dorms and he’s hit with a thought like a thunderbolt. “Dorm room!” he exclaims as he picks up his backpack and runs out the doors sprinting across the green campus lawn advancing his speed until he’s in a full breakneck run. His feet pounding the grass, then pavement, cement and marble stairs, he hits the doors of his Dorm with speed and determination.

He sprints up the stairs to the third floor running down the hall, weaving in between people crowding the halls, a voice calls out. “Hey, Jensen.” He doesn’t even look just rushes to his room, flings the door open and then slams it shut locking it behind him. He drops the backpack on the floor, toes off his shoes and lies down on his bed. He pulls the rumpled blanket over his sweating body feeling the mattress give way to his body and he bites hard on his lip. He remembers how he would slip in and out when he was still in college, how he would make his body really warm and stare up at the ceiling where he has a huge poster of the constellations against a deep blue background. He focuses on it, feeling his eyes turn glassy, his lower lip caught between his teeth as he starts to focus. He can see all the images transposed onto the navy blue background like a movie screen. He sees Jared smiling, their living room, the dogs lying on the floor at his feet and can feel his hand around Jared’s arm as they lean back against the sofa watching television. He lets his mind fall deep into these thoughts as he waits yet again for those all too familiar sensations but they never come, he lays there for what seems like hours waiting, wanting, but not getting anything. Every time he closes his eyes when he opens them he’s still here in the small single bed dorm room in the year 2000.

He feels tears well in his eyes and slip out of the corners sliding down his face backwards into his hair as the fear of not seeing Jared floods his brain. He can’t get back and he can’t figure out why when he only wanted to slip a few weeks back, he slipped ten years into the past. He lies there thinking, his mind reeling with what he is going to do. He knows he needs to attend class in the morning, go about his days like he is the 22 year old Jensen Ackles in his senior year of College. He knows he has to relive every experience and go through the motions all over again. His brain starts to hurt as he listens to the sounds of the other students milling around outside his door, which he used to always keep open even when he was studying but now it’s closed and all he can do is listen to the sounds of overzealous students frolicking around outside his door. The sounds loll him to sleep, his eyes slipping closed; his last coherent thoughts are of Jared next to him, his arms draped loosely over Jared’s side and the dogs sleeping at their feet, Sadie crowding him up the bed as she curls up on his feet.


Chapter 4