Part4 a timeless connection J2 bigbang
Aug. 1st, 2010 11:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dol_moon2000 
The alarm goes off stirring Jensen awake, his body sweaty and hot, his shirts tucked up around his chest and his jeans are twisted at the crotch and damned uncomfortable against him. He looks around the room and realizes that it isn’t a bad dream; he’s still in his college dorm. He sits up, rubs his hand down over his face sighing deep and contemplates not going to class today.
He decides he needs to go to class at least for today and grabs his towel, soap, and shampoo before he heads to the showers.
He forgot how empty the halls could be at 6:00 in the morning and how he always took the earliest classes so that he could enjoy his walk across campus without the hustle and bustle caused by the insanity of college life.
He turns on the water letting the hot steam fill the air around him; the tiny droplets cool as they hit his overheated skin. He strips down outside the stall letting his clothes lay in a pile in the empty room. The cold tile feels soothing on his feet before he steps into the shower, the hot water sliding over his body running over his head, down his face washing away the sleep. He exhales hard into the stream his eyes closed and he can feel tears behind his eyelids. This is still too much for him, too much to take. His hand reaches out and grips the slippery smooth tiled wall as he fights the fear welling in his chest.
He thinks of Jared again, there has been nothing else on his mind for weeks really, both then and now. He thinks of his smile, craves his touch, and wants to hear his sexy deep throaty laugh. He swallows hard and composes himself before soaping up, rubbing the foam over his chest, arms, down over his belly to his cock where he lingers for a second slicking over the shaft, mind going to Jared’s touch and how Jared always liked a good morning sexy shower. His hand smoothes over the head paying attention to the slit as his thumb glides over it, circling it, teasing it as if it were Jared’s tongue, he can see his smiling hazel eyes peeking up through wet bangs to watch his expressions as he smiles around the head, tongue flicking out to taste the clean wet smoothness of his engorged cock. Jensen shudders and leans his head back letting the feelings overtake him as his hand works slow at his stiff member, thumb pushing into the crease below the mushroom head, pads of his fingertips slipping, sliding down and up over the head and back down again, pulling gently, skin rigid under his grasp as his pace quickens, he throws his head back squeezes his eyes tight, moans from the back of his throat and grunts out “Oh God Jared!” as he comes hard into the stream of hot water. He pumps himself with long meaningful strokes, pulling every last spurt from his balls, falling back against the wall spent and gasping, mind flooded with images of Jared smiling up at him cum on his lips as he licks them clean and he wants more than anything to kiss them sharing that goodness with him.
Jensen finishes his shower quickly and goes back to his room. He picks something out and dresses before grabbing his backpack and rifling through it for his schedule planner. He flips through it to find out where he is supposed to be and what time he has to be there. He scans the page, sees it’s English Lit at 7am and he remembers all the statistics. He grabs his English Lit book and checks for homework assignments, notes, and reading assignments all done and ready for class. He scans everything, refreshing his memory and packs everything away again, slings the pack over his shoulder and heads out the door.
The air is crisp and fresh, the grass is still green. Jensen takes his time cutting across campus through the garden, looking everything over, remembering how his senior year was pretty lackluster as he was ready to graduate and move on with life. He passes the Science building and stops to look at it, his heart heavy. He thinks about trying to slip again, to move forward right now and go back to Jared. He sits on the steps of the building; the cold cement chilling him as he closes his eyes and thinks about being back with Jared. He takes a deep breath, relaxes every muscle in his body and tries to feel those signs. His hands clench into loose fists on his knees as he impatiently waits but nothing happens. He puts his face into his hands sighing deeply before running them down over his face letting them slip off of his chin and onto his neck before grabbing his backpack again and standing up.
He turns to walk away when he hears a sweet voice echo from behind him. “Jensen Ackles?” it questions. He turns back to the building, looking up and seeing a slender dark haired woman at the top of them looking down at him. She walks down several steps and gives a tiny squeak. “Jensen Ackles, it is you.” She hurries down the rest of the way to him.
Jensen looks at her, that long dark hair and smiling eyes. “Sandy McCoy?” He reaches up to take her hand and help her down the last few steps. “Wow. I didn’t even know you went here.” He says surprised.
Sandy jumps forward and hugs Jensen tight, burying her face in his neck. “Jensen Ackles. I can’t believe I’m standing here talking to you.” She says all smiles and shiny eyes.
“Yeah, I think you’re probably the last person I would have thought of seeing this morning.” He rubs the back of his neck as she lets go of his hand.
“Well I’m just a freshman, just stated this semester. So what are you a Junior or Senior?” her eyes look him up and down.
“Senior. Yeah graduate this year, if I can get to class on time that is.” He looks at his watch, 6:47am.
“Oh, where are you headed to?” She asks expectantly.
“Uh, English Lit with Professor Morgan and he’s a real hard ass about being on time.” He says starting to walk away. “So it was really good seeing you maybe I’ll see you again.” He fakes a smile and continues walking.
“Wait up, I’m going to the Library I can walk with you, you know catch up on old times and all that.” Her infectious smile spreads wide across her teeth. “I come early every morning before class and study cause it’s really hard finding time to do your work with a kid and husband who works third shift at the plant.” She catches up to walk side by side with Jensen.
“A kid huh?” He says not looking at her and he couldn’t be less interested. “So who did you end up marrying?” He fakes interest.
“Mike, I’m now Sandy Rosenbaum, he finally made an honest woman of me after Sadie was born.” She reaches into her purse and pulls out a tiny photo and shoves it in Jensen’s direction.
He takes the picture and looks at it. “She’s pretty, looks more like you than Mike.” He hands the picture back. “So what are you studying?” He asks now a bit more interested.
“Biology. I want to be a Lab Tech at the Hospital and I need three science courses to get my degree.”
“Cool, I know you will do fine, you always were really smart.”
He looks up and sees the English building. “Here’s my stop. Good luck with everything.” He says turning off the path and stepping onto the steps.
“Hey, let’s do lunch this afternoon.” She says taking his arm and starting up the stairs with him.
Jensen looks at her, his face in shock. “Well, uh, I.” He stammers.
“Come on, it’ll be fun, besides my tutor will be there and he doesn’t talk about anything but science even when he’s not tutoring me. So boring. Give me something else to talk about, please…… Jensen… save me from his boringness.” She rolls her eyes up to his, a pleading look on her face.
Jensen laughs. “Huh really? Well, Okay. I’ll meet your there about, let’s say.” He looks at his watch. “12:30.”
She smiles. “12:30 it is. I can’t wait, so much to catch up on.” She says hopping off the steps and heading back to the Library path.
Jensen walks into the student cafeteria and it’s just the same as ten years earlier as it is ten years later. He scans the room looking for Sandy when she steps up behind him and taps his shoulder. “Hey, I’m over here.” She says dragging him across the crowded room. She pulls him down into a chair next to hers. There are two trays with food on them, one where she sits and one where she sits him. “I hope you don’t mind.” She says rather than asks as she points to the tray. “I took the liberty of getting you a tray too. If I remember correctly fish sticks and French fries are one of your favorites.” She sits down next to him and picks at her salad as Jensen settles in pulling the tray in front of him. “Yeah, thanks.” He says rubbing the back of his neck and getting that same feeling he got at the bowling alley on his birthday right before she kissed him. “Fish sticks are great.” He says shyly.
They spend several minutes in silence, picking at their food when Sandy stands up and starts waving her hands. Jensen looks up in the general direction of her gaze as she emphatically waves over a young man struggling with his tray of food and book bag.
The young man is tall and thin, a bit gangly, short cut wavy hair a bit messy but nice. Jensen can’t see his face as he is staring down at his shoes like they are the most interesting thing on Earth as he weaves awkwardly through the maze of tables and people.
Sandy goes over to him and takes his tray before he trips over something or someone and leads him by the arm to the table.
The young man keeps his head down and hangs his book bag on the table before sitting down and fixing his tray in front of him.
Jensen has started eating his food not bothering to pay much attention to the young man as Sandy sits down and begins to chatter.
“Jensen this is my Biology tutor.” She points in his direction as Jensen looks over in his direction.
“Jared this is my old friend from high school Jensen Ackles.” Jared looks up into Jensen’s face. Sandy points from Jensen to Jared and back again. “Oh Yeah Jensen this is Jared Padalecki, Tutor extraordinaire.”
Jensen’s face drops, his eyes go wide, his heart beats so fast he thinks his chest is going to explode all over his fish sticks and he can’t breathe, he can’t think, he can’t…. well he just can’t think of anything but Sandy’s voice saying, “Jared Padalecki tutor extraordinaire.” Over and over again in his head until all other sounds are drowned out.
Jared looks shyly over at Jensen and clears his throat, extending his hand with a small smile. His eyes twinkle slightly as they peek out from underneath his shaggy bangs.
Jensen exhales softly and composes himself so that his hand isn’t shaking when he reaches out and takes it. He shakes his hand like its porcelain and he might break it.
“Nice to meet you Jensen.” Jared says softly with a shy voice. He lets go of Jensen’s hand.
“Very nice to meet you Jay…red.” Jensen says his voice shaky and very unsure.
It’s like he is in a dream world, like he’s looking at old photos that have come to life and he can’t believe he is meeting Jared again for the first time. Sure it’s Jared before he was his Jay, a young innocent version of his Jay, but still it’s Jared freakin Padalecki here with him at the table and he can’t believe it. He’s so in shock that he stares at him as he watches his fingers open the milk container seeing that he still bites his fingernails or does bite his fingernails. Oh hell he’s not sure how to phrase this in his head because it’s all so new, so exciting and yet somehow old and friendly, routine but not. Its mind boggling and he doesn’t know how to handle it.
Sandy’s voice breaks his trance. “So Jensen, do you have a girlfriend?” she says casually shoving one of his French fries into her mouth.
“Uhm, no, no girlfriend.” He says reaching up to rub the back of his neck, his cheeks bright red and he looks over at Jared. Jared only glances at him from under his bangs for a second, head tilted down busy with his cheeseburger.
“Really, a totally hot hunk of man like you with no girlfriend? I’m going to have to fix this.” She pulls a small notebook from her purse and starts to thumb through it. “Oh Beth is nice, maybe not your type though, too well let’s say she’s really curvy.” She continues to thumb through the book.
Jensen continues to look at Jared who is paying them no attention as he eats his burger as if nothing else is going on at the table.
“Oh here, Susan Westleg. She’s, well dreamy, and you know what, she will do a threesome 'cause I hear she, well shared her last boyfriend with her roommate.” She winks at Jensen tapping her name with her index finger.
Jensen looks in her eyes and swallows hard. “Sandy, thanks for all of your good intentions but really I’m not that interested in….” She cuts him off before he can finish and squeals with delight.
“Oooh! Kat. Now she’s your type to a T I’m so sure of it I’ll bet money you’d have a good time with her.” Jensen puts his hand on hers pushing the book to the table.
“Sandy I’m…. gay.” He says, his breathing hard, his eyes an intense green.
“Oh.” She says looking down at her book pondering things for a second. “Wow that really explains a lot. I mean I knew you weren’t in to me like I was you but now I know why you stopped me at the bowling alley. Oh, so that rumor about you kissing Chris Kane was true then?” She asks wide eyed, biting at her lower lip like if he says yes she’s going to cream her panties.
“I’m not one to kiss and tell Sandy and that’s all I’m saying.” He lets go of her hand and looks over at Jared who has stopped eating his burger and is staring at him with his mouth open and eyes wide.
Jared blinks, takes a deep breath and swallows hard. “You’re gay?” He manages to say.
Sandy laughs. “Honestly Jensen that’s the first non science related thing he has said at this table since I met him over a month ago.”
Jensen leans over to him and whispers. “Yep and it’s a big secret so don’t spread it around.” He says jokingly as he touches Jared’s hand and instantly blushes at his warmth.
Jared smiles but doesn’t pull away from his touch, warm and inviting. He looks over at Sandy picking at her salad while stealing Jensen’s fries and whispers very low leaning close to Jensen. “So am I.” He glances at Sandy to make sure she didn’t hear him before he sits up straight and tall, removing his fingers from under Jensen’s hand. Jensen winces at the loss of Jared’s touch. Jensen can tell he’s not out and likes it that way for right now so he just nods and leans back in his chair before dipping a fish stick in tartar sauce and eating it.
Jensen finishes his tray while listening to Sandy go on about all the things in her life, not paying attention to her because all he can think about is how Jared is sitting just inches away from him and he can’t do a damned thing about it. He wants to lean over and kiss his beautiful mouth, look into those hazel eyes and tell him everything; how much he loves him and how they are going to meet in the future and fall madly in love with each other, get married and live together as a couple but all he can do is stare at him and wish things were somehow different.
Jensen gathers up his tray and looks at his watch. “Oh crap, I’m sorry but I have to go.” He says gathering his things up and standing to leave. “I guess lunch tomorrow?” he asks looking at Sandy and then at Jared.
“I don’t have any classes tomorrow so I won’t be here. I only come three days a week, part time student here. “Sandy says raising her hand in the air.
Jensen frowns and then Jared looks up at him. “I’m a full time student; I’ll be here around the same time tomorrow if you want to sit with me.” He looks down at the table rubbing his thumb on the edge of his tray.
Jensen smiles at him. “Sure Jared I’ll be here, same time same seating.” He laughs and touches Jared’s shoulder before excusing himself and leaving.
His last class ran late, he had to stop by the library to get a reference book for his World History class for tomorrow and now it’s dark. He stops by the Cafeteria on his way back to the Dorm to grab a bite to eat when he sees Jared walking across campus, his book bag slung across his body, his long thin frame staggering under the weight of it and he smiles at him as he watches him brush his bangs from his forehead. Jensen rushes to catch up to him. “Jared, hey Jared.” He calls as he approaches and Jared turns to look.
Jared turns and falters his stride so that Jensen can catch up. “Hey Jensen.” He smiles at him as if he’s glad to see him.
“Hey, where ya going?” Jensen says matching Jared’s stride.
“To the student Union for something to eat.”
“Cool I’m heading there myself. I’m starved, haven’t eaten since lunch.” Jensen rubs his belly and gives it a hollow pat.
Jared laughs at him. “Great you can eat with me, I hate eating alone. I usually take it back to my dorm room but then my roommate mooches it off me if he’s there and I still don’t get my supper.” He makes a disgusted face. “He’s a jock and I’m a nerd so he thinks this is like the movies and he rules campus.” He makes a scoffing noise and rolls his eyes.
Jensen shakes his head. “Bastard.” Is all he can say as they head inside the student union.
They sit at a small table in the corner, tray of food between them and they share it like its all normal, something they do every day while they talk.
Jared reaches for a chip at the same time Jensen does and their fingers meet at the edge of the bag. Jensen looks into his eyes and smiles. “Sorry.” He says pulling back a little and Jared smiles back. “Its okay, no harm no fouls.” He pulls the chip from the bag and pops it in his mouth with a wide smile.
“So, what are you studying?” Jensen asks knowing full well what his field of study is.
“Science. Not really sure what base but I’m leaning towards Biology cause it comes easy to me and I hate chemistry.” Jared wrinkles his nose.
“Oh you’re not into physics or anything like that?” Jensen looks surprised.
“Nope. I never liked Earth Space Science and Physics generally bores me. I do like Astronomy though and the idea of infinite space.” He grabs another chip and shoves it in his mouth as he finishes his sentence. “The idea that there could be an infinite amount of galaxies out there, aliens, and other life forms really does excite me, but I’m not one of those Sci-fi people like Star Wars nuts and Trekkies dressing like television aliens.” He starts to laugh and rolls his eyes. “God!” he says exasperatedly.
Jensen starts to laugh almost uncontrollably at his complete cuteness. “I can see that. You dressed as a star wars character maybe a storm trooper or.” Jared cuts him off with his sentence. “Chewbacca, the giant Wookie.” He throws his head back and makes a growling sound. Jensen laughs at his impersonation. “Well maybe not a hairy Wookie but still it would be hysterical.”
They walk back to their dorms, heading in the same direction, sharing the dark walk across campus.
Jared stops in front of one of the freshman dorms; he shifts his bag on his shoulder and looks down at the ground. “Well here I am.” He says pointing at the dormitory.
“Oh.” Jensen says disappointment in his voice. He rubs the back of his neck and looks down at the ground. “I’m three more dorms up in Tyler Hall.” He looks back up at Jared’s face, the light of the moon illuminating his tan skin.
“I guess I’ll see you at lunch tomorrow?” Jared asks expectantly.
“Oh Yeah, I’ll be there.” Jensen perks up rubbing his brow. “I wouldn’t miss it.”
“Cool.” Jared smiles. “Well, I’ll see you then.” He waves as he turns and heads up the walkway to the building.
Jensen watches him walk up to the building, enter the double doors and disappear inside. He stands there for a few minutes looking up at the windows waiting for a new light to come on in one, maybe catch a glimpse of him through it but no lights go on and he sighs deep before heading home.
*****
Jensen lies down on his bed and opens his book, intent on getting his reading assignment done just in case the move forward doesn’t work again tomorrow. He reads the first few paragraphs and feels restless. He rolls over on his back, stares up at the poster on his ceiling and tucks his hands behind his head. He thinks about Jared, how his young face is so innocent, how he is so… young and kind of fragile. He wonders what the smooth skin of his face feels like, if it’s as smooth as it looks. His thoughts wander to his long thin fingers, how they move when he talks, the smile in his eyes when he gets excited and he feels like he’s seeing him for the very first time, like the last five years with Jared hadn’t even existed and this is all new to him.
Jensen closes his eyes and his hand drifts over his chest making lazy circles down the center of his rib cage as he thinks about Jared’s soft lips curling into a smile, the way the chip slipped between them before he locked them tight to chew and he feels heat in his belly as it tightens. He fingers the soft cotton of his T-shirt, feeling the slight dip of his belly button and he lingers a bit making tiny circles down inside, the tingle shooting straight to his cock, making it stiffen against his boxers. He sighs hard, the deep intake of breath filling his lungs as his hand slips down over his zipper pressing hard against the bulge building behind it.
He wonders how soft his lips would be if he kissed them and he swallows hard as he imagines what his young inexperienced mouth would feel like fumbling against his and it makes his cock twitch and ache to be touched. He slips his hand beneath the tight band of his jeans to tease the head with his fingertips through the soft cotton of his boxers and he arches his hips at the feel. He pictures Jared’s soft hands there, fingers drifting over the head tickling at it, pads slipping over the soft cotton weave of his boxers teasing at him, a huge innocent smile on his face as he stares down into Jensen’s eyes. It’s almost more than Jensen can handle, he pops the button on his jeans and slides his hand down inside his jeans, under his boxers and slips his hard cock above them, sliding his hand down the hot throbbing shaft to the base then pulling back up hard and needy. His hand slips up and down the dry flesh feeling the slight burn as he increases his speed to match Jared’s as he fantasizes about Jared jerking him off rough and desperate. Jensen flicks his tongue out, breaths in hard through his nose, arches his hips and squeezes his eyes tight before he comes hard all over his belly, the cum shooting over his T-shirt, the wet fabric clinging to his belly as he uses the cum to slick his cock as he finishes slipping up and down riding out the last waves of his orgasm. He falls limply against the bed panting, beads of sweat on his forehead and wonders how many more lunches he can have with Jared before he has to have him alone, all to himself.
*******
The alarm goes off at 6am and Jensen rolls over still dressed in his street clothes again. He rubs his face and thinks “this is becoming a habit.” He pulls his t-shirt free from his belly and stands up. He wants to shower but instead decides that he is going to try and slip again. He sits up, makes his back straight, cracks his neck and focuses his breathing. He tries something new, instead of thinking of Jared he thinks about the feel of the sun on his face, the way it feels when he’s covered in it laying on a lounge in his back yard, the smell of the sweet peas as the breeze blows over him and he lets himself go, slip into that smell, the feel of all of it. He waits, focuses harder, waits, tries to relax, slow his heart rate but he feels frustrated and he can’t wait any longer, he can’t keep trying for something that is so obviously not going to come. He snaps his eyes open in frustration huffing out a loud breath and then thinks of Jared, young Jared who will be waiting for him at the cafeteria at lunchtime and things seem better.
*****
Jensen looks at his watch as the professor winds down his lesson on the effects of World War Two on society in modern Europe. Jensen’s leg bounces with impatient energy because he knows Jared is waiting for him in the cafeteria. The professor finishes and hands out the assignments for the weekend and dismisses everyone.
He runs across campus to the Student Union building, sprinting inside, breathing hard he scans the room for Jared. He sees him sitting with his face in a book eating something with red sauce and he saunters over collecting himself. “Hey.” He says acting nonchalant as he drops his backpack on the floor pulling out a chair. “Hey.” Jared replies mouth full of bread. “Where’s your tray?” Jensen pulls a few dollars out of his wallet and stands up. “Don’t leave I’ll be right back.” Jared laughs at him and shoves a tray in his direction. “Don’t worry I bought your lunch in case you were late, I know how Professor Collins likes to take every second of the class time up with his lengthy droning.” Jensen smiles, sits down and starts eating the tray Jared compiled for him consisting of Spaghetti, salad, bread, and fruit cup.
They talk all during lunch, laughing and swapping family antidotes. Jensen lets his hand touch Jared’s with the barest of brushes before asking him, “I’m not busy tomorrow afternoon, probably just going to spend the day vegetating at the library. I mean that is if you would like to join me I’d really like it.” He’s looking at Jared’s fingers still and warm beside his. Jared clears his throat and bites his lower lip. “I think I have some research to do.” Jensen frowns as he looks at him with disappointed eyes. “Oh.” His voice cracks. Jared smiles and moves his fingers a little to brush Jensen’s “What I mean is I have to go to the library too so, yes I would love to join you for a study session.” Jensen smiles big and wide, his fingers gliding harder against Jared’s watching his cheeks blush with the touch.
Jared has never felt such a connection with anyone. Usually he keeps to himself, does his schoolwork and keeps his head down. Studying, keeping up his grades and graduating on time are his only focuses but since Jensen just one day ago stepped into his life, he only wants to be next to him. He feels like a whole person around him, like something was missing all this time but now he’s found it. He smiles at Jensen and returns the touch, his fingers pushing slightly between Jensen’s before slipping out again.
“Tomorrow at the library then?” Jensen asks.
“Yep, around 10am. I like to get there when they open it up because all the best tables get taken early.” Jared says nodding his head.
“It’s a date… well, a study date that is.” Jensen stammers on the words.
The rest of the day goes by quickly, he thinks about meeting Jared at the library in the morning and he can’t wait. He stops by the cafeteria to pick up a sandwich for dinner before heading back to his dorm and scans the room for Jared but he’s not there. He makes a special point to walk past his dorm looking up at the lit windows hoping to see him walking past maybe just for a second get a glimpse of him but nothing. He heads back to his room.
He climbs the stairs two at a time and he hears the loud music booming from his floor and rolls his eyes. He knows since its Friday someone is having a party. He swings the door open and is bombarded with drunken people crushing into him as he makes his way down the hall to his room. A young blond woman grabs his arm and he turns to look at her. “Hey Jenny.” She says in a drunken slur. Jensen remembers her, its Katie his lab partner from Chemistry last year. “Hey Katie.” He says trying to push past her to his room. She follows him still holding his arm. “Jenny how come you never hit on me?” She says falling into him as he stops abruptly at his door. He looks at her with horror and confusion. “Maybe I’m a gentleman Katie.” He says turning the lock on his door. “But you have to know how much I want you to make a move on me right?” She says leaning against him rubbing her hand up and down his arm like she’s feeling his muscle before biting her lower lip and looking up into his eyes with soft seductive blue eyes. “Look Katie.” He says removing her hand before opening his door. “I’m just not interested. It has nothing to do with you, you’re beautiful just not my type.” He says stepping inside the room holding the door open when she pushes her way in and rips open her top exposing her breasts nuzzled into a lacey black bra. She stumbles over to his bed and throws herself backwards tilting back on the bed giggling. “Are these your type Jenny?” She says sitting back up running a finger down her cleavage dipping it inside her bra and back out before licking it. “All yours for the taking never had any man say no to them.”
Jensen takes her by the arm, stands her up, buttons her shirt and pushes her to the door. “I said I’m not interested Katie, now have some self-respect and go back to your room before someone does something to you you’ll regret tomorrow morning.” He steps with her into the hall and leaves her outside his door pouting as he shuts it behind him.
Jensen eats his sandwich, the music pounding through the walls as he tries to read his history assignment, his notebook open, his pen scribbling but his frustration is building at the noise. He doesn’t remember this being a problem the first time he lived this, as a matter of fact he would have been right out there with them, his door wide open, people drifting in and out and more than one hot guy would have been splayed out on his bed before the door would have been closed for privacy. He didn’t worry about studying back then, he knew there wasn’t anything he couldn’t accomplish with just a slight slip back in time and all would be right with his world. He doesn’t have that now, he is afraid to even try to slip back because he doesn’t know where he’ll end up, possibly in his mother’s womb. He can’t go forward back the way he came, so until he can he is content to stay here and do what he has to do, to survive and get back to the place he should be at in the future with Jared.
Chapter 5
The alarm goes off stirring Jensen awake, his body sweaty and hot, his shirts tucked up around his chest and his jeans are twisted at the crotch and damned uncomfortable against him. He looks around the room and realizes that it isn’t a bad dream; he’s still in his college dorm. He sits up, rubs his hand down over his face sighing deep and contemplates not going to class today.
He decides he needs to go to class at least for today and grabs his towel, soap, and shampoo before he heads to the showers.
He forgot how empty the halls could be at 6:00 in the morning and how he always took the earliest classes so that he could enjoy his walk across campus without the hustle and bustle caused by the insanity of college life.
He turns on the water letting the hot steam fill the air around him; the tiny droplets cool as they hit his overheated skin. He strips down outside the stall letting his clothes lay in a pile in the empty room. The cold tile feels soothing on his feet before he steps into the shower, the hot water sliding over his body running over his head, down his face washing away the sleep. He exhales hard into the stream his eyes closed and he can feel tears behind his eyelids. This is still too much for him, too much to take. His hand reaches out and grips the slippery smooth tiled wall as he fights the fear welling in his chest.
He thinks of Jared again, there has been nothing else on his mind for weeks really, both then and now. He thinks of his smile, craves his touch, and wants to hear his sexy deep throaty laugh. He swallows hard and composes himself before soaping up, rubbing the foam over his chest, arms, down over his belly to his cock where he lingers for a second slicking over the shaft, mind going to Jared’s touch and how Jared always liked a good morning sexy shower. His hand smoothes over the head paying attention to the slit as his thumb glides over it, circling it, teasing it as if it were Jared’s tongue, he can see his smiling hazel eyes peeking up through wet bangs to watch his expressions as he smiles around the head, tongue flicking out to taste the clean wet smoothness of his engorged cock. Jensen shudders and leans his head back letting the feelings overtake him as his hand works slow at his stiff member, thumb pushing into the crease below the mushroom head, pads of his fingertips slipping, sliding down and up over the head and back down again, pulling gently, skin rigid under his grasp as his pace quickens, he throws his head back squeezes his eyes tight, moans from the back of his throat and grunts out “Oh God Jared!” as he comes hard into the stream of hot water. He pumps himself with long meaningful strokes, pulling every last spurt from his balls, falling back against the wall spent and gasping, mind flooded with images of Jared smiling up at him cum on his lips as he licks them clean and he wants more than anything to kiss them sharing that goodness with him.
Jensen finishes his shower quickly and goes back to his room. He picks something out and dresses before grabbing his backpack and rifling through it for his schedule planner. He flips through it to find out where he is supposed to be and what time he has to be there. He scans the page, sees it’s English Lit at 7am and he remembers all the statistics. He grabs his English Lit book and checks for homework assignments, notes, and reading assignments all done and ready for class. He scans everything, refreshing his memory and packs everything away again, slings the pack over his shoulder and heads out the door.
The air is crisp and fresh, the grass is still green. Jensen takes his time cutting across campus through the garden, looking everything over, remembering how his senior year was pretty lackluster as he was ready to graduate and move on with life. He passes the Science building and stops to look at it, his heart heavy. He thinks about trying to slip again, to move forward right now and go back to Jared. He sits on the steps of the building; the cold cement chilling him as he closes his eyes and thinks about being back with Jared. He takes a deep breath, relaxes every muscle in his body and tries to feel those signs. His hands clench into loose fists on his knees as he impatiently waits but nothing happens. He puts his face into his hands sighing deeply before running them down over his face letting them slip off of his chin and onto his neck before grabbing his backpack again and standing up.
He turns to walk away when he hears a sweet voice echo from behind him. “Jensen Ackles?” it questions. He turns back to the building, looking up and seeing a slender dark haired woman at the top of them looking down at him. She walks down several steps and gives a tiny squeak. “Jensen Ackles, it is you.” She hurries down the rest of the way to him.
Jensen looks at her, that long dark hair and smiling eyes. “Sandy McCoy?” He reaches up to take her hand and help her down the last few steps. “Wow. I didn’t even know you went here.” He says surprised.
Sandy jumps forward and hugs Jensen tight, burying her face in his neck. “Jensen Ackles. I can’t believe I’m standing here talking to you.” She says all smiles and shiny eyes.
“Yeah, I think you’re probably the last person I would have thought of seeing this morning.” He rubs the back of his neck as she lets go of his hand.
“Well I’m just a freshman, just stated this semester. So what are you a Junior or Senior?” her eyes look him up and down.
“Senior. Yeah graduate this year, if I can get to class on time that is.” He looks at his watch, 6:47am.
“Oh, where are you headed to?” She asks expectantly.
“Uh, English Lit with Professor Morgan and he’s a real hard ass about being on time.” He says starting to walk away. “So it was really good seeing you maybe I’ll see you again.” He fakes a smile and continues walking.
“Wait up, I’m going to the Library I can walk with you, you know catch up on old times and all that.” Her infectious smile spreads wide across her teeth. “I come early every morning before class and study cause it’s really hard finding time to do your work with a kid and husband who works third shift at the plant.” She catches up to walk side by side with Jensen.
“A kid huh?” He says not looking at her and he couldn’t be less interested. “So who did you end up marrying?” He fakes interest.
“Mike, I’m now Sandy Rosenbaum, he finally made an honest woman of me after Sadie was born.” She reaches into her purse and pulls out a tiny photo and shoves it in Jensen’s direction.
He takes the picture and looks at it. “She’s pretty, looks more like you than Mike.” He hands the picture back. “So what are you studying?” He asks now a bit more interested.
“Biology. I want to be a Lab Tech at the Hospital and I need three science courses to get my degree.”
“Cool, I know you will do fine, you always were really smart.”
He looks up and sees the English building. “Here’s my stop. Good luck with everything.” He says turning off the path and stepping onto the steps.
“Hey, let’s do lunch this afternoon.” She says taking his arm and starting up the stairs with him.
Jensen looks at her, his face in shock. “Well, uh, I.” He stammers.
“Come on, it’ll be fun, besides my tutor will be there and he doesn’t talk about anything but science even when he’s not tutoring me. So boring. Give me something else to talk about, please…… Jensen… save me from his boringness.” She rolls her eyes up to his, a pleading look on her face.
Jensen laughs. “Huh really? Well, Okay. I’ll meet your there about, let’s say.” He looks at his watch. “12:30.”
She smiles. “12:30 it is. I can’t wait, so much to catch up on.” She says hopping off the steps and heading back to the Library path.
Jensen walks into the student cafeteria and it’s just the same as ten years earlier as it is ten years later. He scans the room looking for Sandy when she steps up behind him and taps his shoulder. “Hey, I’m over here.” She says dragging him across the crowded room. She pulls him down into a chair next to hers. There are two trays with food on them, one where she sits and one where she sits him. “I hope you don’t mind.” She says rather than asks as she points to the tray. “I took the liberty of getting you a tray too. If I remember correctly fish sticks and French fries are one of your favorites.” She sits down next to him and picks at her salad as Jensen settles in pulling the tray in front of him. “Yeah, thanks.” He says rubbing the back of his neck and getting that same feeling he got at the bowling alley on his birthday right before she kissed him. “Fish sticks are great.” He says shyly.
They spend several minutes in silence, picking at their food when Sandy stands up and starts waving her hands. Jensen looks up in the general direction of her gaze as she emphatically waves over a young man struggling with his tray of food and book bag.
The young man is tall and thin, a bit gangly, short cut wavy hair a bit messy but nice. Jensen can’t see his face as he is staring down at his shoes like they are the most interesting thing on Earth as he weaves awkwardly through the maze of tables and people.
Sandy goes over to him and takes his tray before he trips over something or someone and leads him by the arm to the table.
The young man keeps his head down and hangs his book bag on the table before sitting down and fixing his tray in front of him.
Jensen has started eating his food not bothering to pay much attention to the young man as Sandy sits down and begins to chatter.
“Jensen this is my Biology tutor.” She points in his direction as Jensen looks over in his direction.
“Jared this is my old friend from high school Jensen Ackles.” Jared looks up into Jensen’s face. Sandy points from Jensen to Jared and back again. “Oh Yeah Jensen this is Jared Padalecki, Tutor extraordinaire.”
Jensen’s face drops, his eyes go wide, his heart beats so fast he thinks his chest is going to explode all over his fish sticks and he can’t breathe, he can’t think, he can’t…. well he just can’t think of anything but Sandy’s voice saying, “Jared Padalecki tutor extraordinaire.” Over and over again in his head until all other sounds are drowned out.
Jared looks shyly over at Jensen and clears his throat, extending his hand with a small smile. His eyes twinkle slightly as they peek out from underneath his shaggy bangs.
Jensen exhales softly and composes himself so that his hand isn’t shaking when he reaches out and takes it. He shakes his hand like its porcelain and he might break it.
“Nice to meet you Jensen.” Jared says softly with a shy voice. He lets go of Jensen’s hand.
“Very nice to meet you Jay…red.” Jensen says his voice shaky and very unsure.
It’s like he is in a dream world, like he’s looking at old photos that have come to life and he can’t believe he is meeting Jared again for the first time. Sure it’s Jared before he was his Jay, a young innocent version of his Jay, but still it’s Jared freakin Padalecki here with him at the table and he can’t believe it. He’s so in shock that he stares at him as he watches his fingers open the milk container seeing that he still bites his fingernails or does bite his fingernails. Oh hell he’s not sure how to phrase this in his head because it’s all so new, so exciting and yet somehow old and friendly, routine but not. Its mind boggling and he doesn’t know how to handle it.
Sandy’s voice breaks his trance. “So Jensen, do you have a girlfriend?” she says casually shoving one of his French fries into her mouth.
“Uhm, no, no girlfriend.” He says reaching up to rub the back of his neck, his cheeks bright red and he looks over at Jared. Jared only glances at him from under his bangs for a second, head tilted down busy with his cheeseburger.
“Really, a totally hot hunk of man like you with no girlfriend? I’m going to have to fix this.” She pulls a small notebook from her purse and starts to thumb through it. “Oh Beth is nice, maybe not your type though, too well let’s say she’s really curvy.” She continues to thumb through the book.
Jensen continues to look at Jared who is paying them no attention as he eats his burger as if nothing else is going on at the table.
“Oh here, Susan Westleg. She’s, well dreamy, and you know what, she will do a threesome 'cause I hear she, well shared her last boyfriend with her roommate.” She winks at Jensen tapping her name with her index finger.
Jensen looks in her eyes and swallows hard. “Sandy, thanks for all of your good intentions but really I’m not that interested in….” She cuts him off before he can finish and squeals with delight.
“Oooh! Kat. Now she’s your type to a T I’m so sure of it I’ll bet money you’d have a good time with her.” Jensen puts his hand on hers pushing the book to the table.
“Sandy I’m…. gay.” He says, his breathing hard, his eyes an intense green.
“Oh.” She says looking down at her book pondering things for a second. “Wow that really explains a lot. I mean I knew you weren’t in to me like I was you but now I know why you stopped me at the bowling alley. Oh, so that rumor about you kissing Chris Kane was true then?” She asks wide eyed, biting at her lower lip like if he says yes she’s going to cream her panties.
“I’m not one to kiss and tell Sandy and that’s all I’m saying.” He lets go of her hand and looks over at Jared who has stopped eating his burger and is staring at him with his mouth open and eyes wide.
Jared blinks, takes a deep breath and swallows hard. “You’re gay?” He manages to say.
Sandy laughs. “Honestly Jensen that’s the first non science related thing he has said at this table since I met him over a month ago.”
Jensen leans over to him and whispers. “Yep and it’s a big secret so don’t spread it around.” He says jokingly as he touches Jared’s hand and instantly blushes at his warmth.
Jared smiles but doesn’t pull away from his touch, warm and inviting. He looks over at Sandy picking at her salad while stealing Jensen’s fries and whispers very low leaning close to Jensen. “So am I.” He glances at Sandy to make sure she didn’t hear him before he sits up straight and tall, removing his fingers from under Jensen’s hand. Jensen winces at the loss of Jared’s touch. Jensen can tell he’s not out and likes it that way for right now so he just nods and leans back in his chair before dipping a fish stick in tartar sauce and eating it.
Jensen finishes his tray while listening to Sandy go on about all the things in her life, not paying attention to her because all he can think about is how Jared is sitting just inches away from him and he can’t do a damned thing about it. He wants to lean over and kiss his beautiful mouth, look into those hazel eyes and tell him everything; how much he loves him and how they are going to meet in the future and fall madly in love with each other, get married and live together as a couple but all he can do is stare at him and wish things were somehow different.
Jensen gathers up his tray and looks at his watch. “Oh crap, I’m sorry but I have to go.” He says gathering his things up and standing to leave. “I guess lunch tomorrow?” he asks looking at Sandy and then at Jared.
“I don’t have any classes tomorrow so I won’t be here. I only come three days a week, part time student here. “Sandy says raising her hand in the air.
Jensen frowns and then Jared looks up at him. “I’m a full time student; I’ll be here around the same time tomorrow if you want to sit with me.” He looks down at the table rubbing his thumb on the edge of his tray.
Jensen smiles at him. “Sure Jared I’ll be here, same time same seating.” He laughs and touches Jared’s shoulder before excusing himself and leaving.
His last class ran late, he had to stop by the library to get a reference book for his World History class for tomorrow and now it’s dark. He stops by the Cafeteria on his way back to the Dorm to grab a bite to eat when he sees Jared walking across campus, his book bag slung across his body, his long thin frame staggering under the weight of it and he smiles at him as he watches him brush his bangs from his forehead. Jensen rushes to catch up to him. “Jared, hey Jared.” He calls as he approaches and Jared turns to look.
Jared turns and falters his stride so that Jensen can catch up. “Hey Jensen.” He smiles at him as if he’s glad to see him.
“Hey, where ya going?” Jensen says matching Jared’s stride.
“To the student Union for something to eat.”
“Cool I’m heading there myself. I’m starved, haven’t eaten since lunch.” Jensen rubs his belly and gives it a hollow pat.
Jared laughs at him. “Great you can eat with me, I hate eating alone. I usually take it back to my dorm room but then my roommate mooches it off me if he’s there and I still don’t get my supper.” He makes a disgusted face. “He’s a jock and I’m a nerd so he thinks this is like the movies and he rules campus.” He makes a scoffing noise and rolls his eyes.
Jensen shakes his head. “Bastard.” Is all he can say as they head inside the student union.
They sit at a small table in the corner, tray of food between them and they share it like its all normal, something they do every day while they talk.
Jared reaches for a chip at the same time Jensen does and their fingers meet at the edge of the bag. Jensen looks into his eyes and smiles. “Sorry.” He says pulling back a little and Jared smiles back. “Its okay, no harm no fouls.” He pulls the chip from the bag and pops it in his mouth with a wide smile.
“So, what are you studying?” Jensen asks knowing full well what his field of study is.
“Science. Not really sure what base but I’m leaning towards Biology cause it comes easy to me and I hate chemistry.” Jared wrinkles his nose.
“Oh you’re not into physics or anything like that?” Jensen looks surprised.
“Nope. I never liked Earth Space Science and Physics generally bores me. I do like Astronomy though and the idea of infinite space.” He grabs another chip and shoves it in his mouth as he finishes his sentence. “The idea that there could be an infinite amount of galaxies out there, aliens, and other life forms really does excite me, but I’m not one of those Sci-fi people like Star Wars nuts and Trekkies dressing like television aliens.” He starts to laugh and rolls his eyes. “God!” he says exasperatedly.
Jensen starts to laugh almost uncontrollably at his complete cuteness. “I can see that. You dressed as a star wars character maybe a storm trooper or.” Jared cuts him off with his sentence. “Chewbacca, the giant Wookie.” He throws his head back and makes a growling sound. Jensen laughs at his impersonation. “Well maybe not a hairy Wookie but still it would be hysterical.”
They walk back to their dorms, heading in the same direction, sharing the dark walk across campus.
Jared stops in front of one of the freshman dorms; he shifts his bag on his shoulder and looks down at the ground. “Well here I am.” He says pointing at the dormitory.
“Oh.” Jensen says disappointment in his voice. He rubs the back of his neck and looks down at the ground. “I’m three more dorms up in Tyler Hall.” He looks back up at Jared’s face, the light of the moon illuminating his tan skin.
“I guess I’ll see you at lunch tomorrow?” Jared asks expectantly.
“Oh Yeah, I’ll be there.” Jensen perks up rubbing his brow. “I wouldn’t miss it.”
“Cool.” Jared smiles. “Well, I’ll see you then.” He waves as he turns and heads up the walkway to the building.
Jensen watches him walk up to the building, enter the double doors and disappear inside. He stands there for a few minutes looking up at the windows waiting for a new light to come on in one, maybe catch a glimpse of him through it but no lights go on and he sighs deep before heading home.
*****
Jensen lies down on his bed and opens his book, intent on getting his reading assignment done just in case the move forward doesn’t work again tomorrow. He reads the first few paragraphs and feels restless. He rolls over on his back, stares up at the poster on his ceiling and tucks his hands behind his head. He thinks about Jared, how his young face is so innocent, how he is so… young and kind of fragile. He wonders what the smooth skin of his face feels like, if it’s as smooth as it looks. His thoughts wander to his long thin fingers, how they move when he talks, the smile in his eyes when he gets excited and he feels like he’s seeing him for the very first time, like the last five years with Jared hadn’t even existed and this is all new to him.
Jensen closes his eyes and his hand drifts over his chest making lazy circles down the center of his rib cage as he thinks about Jared’s soft lips curling into a smile, the way the chip slipped between them before he locked them tight to chew and he feels heat in his belly as it tightens. He fingers the soft cotton of his T-shirt, feeling the slight dip of his belly button and he lingers a bit making tiny circles down inside, the tingle shooting straight to his cock, making it stiffen against his boxers. He sighs hard, the deep intake of breath filling his lungs as his hand slips down over his zipper pressing hard against the bulge building behind it.
He wonders how soft his lips would be if he kissed them and he swallows hard as he imagines what his young inexperienced mouth would feel like fumbling against his and it makes his cock twitch and ache to be touched. He slips his hand beneath the tight band of his jeans to tease the head with his fingertips through the soft cotton of his boxers and he arches his hips at the feel. He pictures Jared’s soft hands there, fingers drifting over the head tickling at it, pads slipping over the soft cotton weave of his boxers teasing at him, a huge innocent smile on his face as he stares down into Jensen’s eyes. It’s almost more than Jensen can handle, he pops the button on his jeans and slides his hand down inside his jeans, under his boxers and slips his hard cock above them, sliding his hand down the hot throbbing shaft to the base then pulling back up hard and needy. His hand slips up and down the dry flesh feeling the slight burn as he increases his speed to match Jared’s as he fantasizes about Jared jerking him off rough and desperate. Jensen flicks his tongue out, breaths in hard through his nose, arches his hips and squeezes his eyes tight before he comes hard all over his belly, the cum shooting over his T-shirt, the wet fabric clinging to his belly as he uses the cum to slick his cock as he finishes slipping up and down riding out the last waves of his orgasm. He falls limply against the bed panting, beads of sweat on his forehead and wonders how many more lunches he can have with Jared before he has to have him alone, all to himself.
*******
The alarm goes off at 6am and Jensen rolls over still dressed in his street clothes again. He rubs his face and thinks “this is becoming a habit.” He pulls his t-shirt free from his belly and stands up. He wants to shower but instead decides that he is going to try and slip again. He sits up, makes his back straight, cracks his neck and focuses his breathing. He tries something new, instead of thinking of Jared he thinks about the feel of the sun on his face, the way it feels when he’s covered in it laying on a lounge in his back yard, the smell of the sweet peas as the breeze blows over him and he lets himself go, slip into that smell, the feel of all of it. He waits, focuses harder, waits, tries to relax, slow his heart rate but he feels frustrated and he can’t wait any longer, he can’t keep trying for something that is so obviously not going to come. He snaps his eyes open in frustration huffing out a loud breath and then thinks of Jared, young Jared who will be waiting for him at the cafeteria at lunchtime and things seem better.
*****
Jensen looks at his watch as the professor winds down his lesson on the effects of World War Two on society in modern Europe. Jensen’s leg bounces with impatient energy because he knows Jared is waiting for him in the cafeteria. The professor finishes and hands out the assignments for the weekend and dismisses everyone.
He runs across campus to the Student Union building, sprinting inside, breathing hard he scans the room for Jared. He sees him sitting with his face in a book eating something with red sauce and he saunters over collecting himself. “Hey.” He says acting nonchalant as he drops his backpack on the floor pulling out a chair. “Hey.” Jared replies mouth full of bread. “Where’s your tray?” Jensen pulls a few dollars out of his wallet and stands up. “Don’t leave I’ll be right back.” Jared laughs at him and shoves a tray in his direction. “Don’t worry I bought your lunch in case you were late, I know how Professor Collins likes to take every second of the class time up with his lengthy droning.” Jensen smiles, sits down and starts eating the tray Jared compiled for him consisting of Spaghetti, salad, bread, and fruit cup.
They talk all during lunch, laughing and swapping family antidotes. Jensen lets his hand touch Jared’s with the barest of brushes before asking him, “I’m not busy tomorrow afternoon, probably just going to spend the day vegetating at the library. I mean that is if you would like to join me I’d really like it.” He’s looking at Jared’s fingers still and warm beside his. Jared clears his throat and bites his lower lip. “I think I have some research to do.” Jensen frowns as he looks at him with disappointed eyes. “Oh.” His voice cracks. Jared smiles and moves his fingers a little to brush Jensen’s “What I mean is I have to go to the library too so, yes I would love to join you for a study session.” Jensen smiles big and wide, his fingers gliding harder against Jared’s watching his cheeks blush with the touch.
Jared has never felt such a connection with anyone. Usually he keeps to himself, does his schoolwork and keeps his head down. Studying, keeping up his grades and graduating on time are his only focuses but since Jensen just one day ago stepped into his life, he only wants to be next to him. He feels like a whole person around him, like something was missing all this time but now he’s found it. He smiles at Jensen and returns the touch, his fingers pushing slightly between Jensen’s before slipping out again.
“Tomorrow at the library then?” Jensen asks.
“Yep, around 10am. I like to get there when they open it up because all the best tables get taken early.” Jared says nodding his head.
“It’s a date… well, a study date that is.” Jensen stammers on the words.
The rest of the day goes by quickly, he thinks about meeting Jared at the library in the morning and he can’t wait. He stops by the cafeteria to pick up a sandwich for dinner before heading back to his dorm and scans the room for Jared but he’s not there. He makes a special point to walk past his dorm looking up at the lit windows hoping to see him walking past maybe just for a second get a glimpse of him but nothing. He heads back to his room.
He climbs the stairs two at a time and he hears the loud music booming from his floor and rolls his eyes. He knows since its Friday someone is having a party. He swings the door open and is bombarded with drunken people crushing into him as he makes his way down the hall to his room. A young blond woman grabs his arm and he turns to look at her. “Hey Jenny.” She says in a drunken slur. Jensen remembers her, its Katie his lab partner from Chemistry last year. “Hey Katie.” He says trying to push past her to his room. She follows him still holding his arm. “Jenny how come you never hit on me?” She says falling into him as he stops abruptly at his door. He looks at her with horror and confusion. “Maybe I’m a gentleman Katie.” He says turning the lock on his door. “But you have to know how much I want you to make a move on me right?” She says leaning against him rubbing her hand up and down his arm like she’s feeling his muscle before biting her lower lip and looking up into his eyes with soft seductive blue eyes. “Look Katie.” He says removing her hand before opening his door. “I’m just not interested. It has nothing to do with you, you’re beautiful just not my type.” He says stepping inside the room holding the door open when she pushes her way in and rips open her top exposing her breasts nuzzled into a lacey black bra. She stumbles over to his bed and throws herself backwards tilting back on the bed giggling. “Are these your type Jenny?” She says sitting back up running a finger down her cleavage dipping it inside her bra and back out before licking it. “All yours for the taking never had any man say no to them.”
Jensen takes her by the arm, stands her up, buttons her shirt and pushes her to the door. “I said I’m not interested Katie, now have some self-respect and go back to your room before someone does something to you you’ll regret tomorrow morning.” He steps with her into the hall and leaves her outside his door pouting as he shuts it behind him.
Jensen eats his sandwich, the music pounding through the walls as he tries to read his history assignment, his notebook open, his pen scribbling but his frustration is building at the noise. He doesn’t remember this being a problem the first time he lived this, as a matter of fact he would have been right out there with them, his door wide open, people drifting in and out and more than one hot guy would have been splayed out on his bed before the door would have been closed for privacy. He didn’t worry about studying back then, he knew there wasn’t anything he couldn’t accomplish with just a slight slip back in time and all would be right with his world. He doesn’t have that now, he is afraid to even try to slip back because he doesn’t know where he’ll end up, possibly in his mother’s womb. He can’t go forward back the way he came, so until he can he is content to stay here and do what he has to do, to survive and get back to the place he should be at in the future with Jared.
Chapter 5
