part 5 A timeless connection J2 bigbang

[dol_moon]

Jensen wakes up face down in his book, pen in hand, drool seeping out the side of his mouth and he sits straight up, his neck sore and he cracks it, looks around and notices the time. 9:30am. Holy Shit! He exclaims as he grabs clean clothes and his bathroom supplies, rushing down the hall stepping over bodies strewn about the hallway in all manner of positions and undress. He rushes through a shower, shaving and brushing his teeth in the shower. He pulls his clean clothes over his damp body, rushes back to his room. throws his clothes in his room, picks up his book bag and keys and rushes out the door with ten minutes to get across campus to the library.

Jensen sprints across campus his breath cutting the cold October air in giant white puffs as he pushes onward to the Library. He sees the building just beyond the hedges and he stops to catch his breath before confidently strolling around the hedge and up the walkway to the building. He can see Jared standing at the entrance doors as he approaches the steps.

“Hey.” Jensen calls. “I thought I wasn’t going to make it this morning.” He laughs as he’s climbing the steps and stopping in front of the doors. “Big party at my dorm last night and I didn’t get to bed until late.”

Jared blinks smiling. “Oh so you attended the party?” he says adjusting his messenger bag on his shoulder and fidgeting with his keys attached to the zipper loop.

“No, just really loud and I fell asleep while reading my history assignment. I woke up and ran right over here.” Jared smiles at him, running a hand through his hair. “I’ve never been to a dorm party, the ones they throw at my dorm are on the lower floors and I don’t know anyone there so I don’t go.” He says not looking Jensen in the eye.

“You’re not missing much.” Jensen says with a reassuring voice.
“I’d like to learn that for myself one day.”

The librarian unlocks the doors and smiles at Jared. “Hi Jared.” She says letting them inside. “You’re books are in, I put them back for you.” She says leading him over to the desk and handing them to him. He smiles at her. “Thanks Sharon. This is my friend Jensen.” She smiles and extends her hand. “Nice to meet you Jensen.” He takes her hand. “Same here Ma’am.”

They make their way back to the reference section of the Library to one of the long wooden tables along the wall way in the back of the room. Jared sits down pulling out his books and notebooks. He pushes a pen behind his ear before settling in. Jensen looks at him and smiles. He thinks about how even in the future Jared sets his laptop out, gets his notes aligned, and pushes his pen behind his ear before he starts to work.

“Some things never change.” Jensen mutters and Jared looks up at him. “What never changes?” Jensen stammers. “Uh, libraries with all the books in neat orderly fashions.” He nods his head and looks down with embarrassment. Jared just wrinkles his brow at him and gives a small huffing laugh before opening his book. “Yeah, libraries like their order with the whole dewy decimal system and all.” He shakes his head.

They sit for over an hour just doing their assignments barely speaking, trading glances once in a while or smiles and then going back to their studies.

Jared sneezes and reaches into his pocket for a tissue and grunts. “Dang.” Jensen looks over at him and pulls a hanky from his pocket handing it to him. “You always forget your tissues.” He shakes his head and looks back down at his book. Jared takes the hanky staring at Jensen with wide eyes mouth open.

“Uh, Jensen?” Jared asks brow knit, confused look on his face. “What?” Jensen says looking up from his book. “Umm, what do you mean I always forget my tissues?” Jensen’s eyes go wide, his heart starts to race, his mouth goes dry and he can’t think past the words What do you mean I always.

“I… Uh….I, don’t know what I mean Jared.” His eyes sink down to his book at a loss for words, because how do you explain that you’ve known this person you just met for the past five years in the future. How do you begin to explain how much you love them, how much you miss them, need them and want them when they don’t even know who you are yet.

“Have you been watching me?” Jared says pushing away from the table, body tensing in a defensive manner.
“Oh my God, no, I haven’t been watching you, I just met you Jared. Sandy introduced us two days ago remember? Before that I had never seen you on campus before.” He rubs the back of his neck sweat gathering on it.

“I don’t think we should, I mean…. I’m going now Jensen and don’t follow me.” Jared is packing up his books as quickly as he can.

Jensen doesn’t know what to do; he doesn’t know how to fix this so he blurts out. “Jared, I like you.” He stands to meet Jared’s eyes. “Don’t go.” He sighs. “I haven’t been watching you; I’ve been attracted to you since I first saw you two days ago. I called Sandy to ask her about you to find out if she knew what you liked so that I could ask you on a date. All she could tell me was that you liked Science, talked about Science all the time and had allergies in which you always forgot your tissues and told me to bring extras with me because you would need them.” Jensen sinks back down into his seat staring at his book, trying to look embarrassed, hoping that Jared would believe his story.

Jared sits back down, lays his messenger bag on the table and leans over rounding his broad shoulders. “You like me?” he asks in disbelief. Jensen looks up at him, smiling eyes twinkling. “Yes Jared, I like you a lot, have since the first second I saw you in that cafeteria.” That’s not a lie he thinks, because he did like Jared from the first time he saw him sitting eating his lunch all alone in the cafeteria.

Jared looks at Jensen and his eyes brighten, all the fear and defense leaving them. “I….” He stammers like he can’t say the words or just doesn’t know how to say them. “I… like you too.” A small smile curls in the corner of his mouth and it makes his whole face light up.

Jensen reaches across the table and touches Jared’s hand. “I’m hungry and I know this great little place to eat. I’m positive you’re going to like it, it’s called the cafeteria.” He smiles, fingers passing over Jared’s playfully and Jared smiles in return. “I have a better idea. There is this place in town that makes the best hamburgers you’ve ever eaten and my God they are as big as your head.” Jared holds his hands out and curves them into a circle form emphasizing the size. Jensen laughs at him. “Okay, head sized hamburgers it is.”

They walk across campus stopping at Jensen’s dorm to drop of their books before heading to the diner.

“Wow you have your own private room.” Jared says amazed.
“Yeah but I didn’t always have my own room, I had my share of roommates from hell the last three years.” He shakes his head when he thinks about them. “I applied for my own room and got my doctor to write a letter to the Dean telling him that I was having panic attacks due to a nervous condition that was being exasperated by sharing a room with people I didn’t know. It worked because this year I live in peace.” Jensen spreads his arms out wide. “It’s all mine, mine, and mine.”

“I wonder if I could do that for next year because I don’t think I can take another roommate like Chad.” He rolls his eyes. “You know sometimes I can’t even sleep in my room because he brings girls back and kicks me out. I sleep on the sofa in the community room.” Jensen frowns. “Wow I never had that problem, the guys I roomed with would bring the girls back and just do them with me right in the room. Really disturbing stuff. If Chad throws you out again, come over here, I’ll at least give you my floor and you won’t be on public display in the community room.” Jared gives it a considering smile. “I might just take you up on that.”

Jensen smiles and thinks about what having Jared squeezed next to him in the tiny single bed would feel like. Their bodies flush against each other, heat pushing through their bodies as they caressed every inch of each other.

“Come on, I’m starving.” Jared says opening the door breaking Jensen from his thoughts.

They walk into town to the diner, it’s not far off campus, maybe a mile or so and Jensen recognizes it as they walk up to it. Jared smells the air. “MMMMM burgers and fries with ranch dressing.” He says mouth salivating. Jensen laughs. “How can you eat fries with Ranch dressing?” Jared shrugs. “Don’t know, I just like it.”

The waitress comes over to take their order and Jensen orders. “We’d like two of your classic cheeseburger platters with mustard, lettuce, tomato and onion. Oh, and his fries with ranch dressing.” He lays the menu down and Jared looks at him, brows arched. The waitress takes the menu and leaves. “I can’t order my own food?” Jared says a little bit surprised at the command Jensen is taking. “Oh, sorry I just thought, well we were having burgers and well sorry.” He says waving the waitress over. “No, no it’s ok, that’s the way I like my burger but next time I want to do my own ordering if it’s okay with you.” He says worrying his napkin between his thumb and forefinger. Jensen gives a half smile before reassuring Jared that his intentions were not to make him feel small. “Sure thing Jared, I won’t order for you ever again.”

Halfway through their burgers Jensen thinks about how much this is like their actual first date. How it’s the same diner, the same meal and he looks over at the glass dessert carousel, the pies slowly spinning in their refrigerated tube but no peach melba pie to be seen.

Jensen takes the check when the waitress puts it down. “My treat.” He says heading up to the register to pay the bill. Jared puts the tip on the table before going up and standing behind Jensen, reaching around and grabbing two peppermints and laying ten cents on the counter for them. He walks over to the door and looks across at the reflecting pond.

Jensen walks up behind him and Jared lifts a cellophane wrapped mint, offering it to him. “Thanks.” Jensen says unwrapping it and popping it in his mouth. “Want to go over and walk around the pond?” he says putting a hand on Jared’s shoulder.

Jared looks back at him. “Yeah, I would. Sometimes when I come here and the weather is nice, I go over and feed the ducks, read a book, or just stare out at the pond thinking about things.” Jensen looks at him and knows that no matter what age, Jared’s heart will always be Jared’s heart. “Then what are we waiting for?” Jensen pushes the door open and puts his hand on Jared’s back leading him out the door.

They walk around the pond, the ducks moving slowly through the cold black water and the fountain has been shut off in preparation for winter. Jared sits down on one of the wrought iron benches and scoots close to the arm. Jensen sits down next to the other arm. “You know I read they have concerts here in the spring. I think that would be fun to come sit on a blanket with snacks and listen to a band perform.” He glances over at Jensen gauging his response. “Sounds like a nice Sunday afternoon.” Jensen says looking back with a peaceful smile. “I have never been but I have seen them when I’ve been walking through town some Sunday afternoons.”

Jared glances down at Jensen’s hand resting on the bench and the way the sun catches his pale skin showing the pink undertones. He looks up into his eyes, the green glistening with gold flecks, the way the sun’s catching all of his freckles on the bridge of his nose and he smiles shyly at Jensen’s beauty.

Jensen watches Jared’s soft face, his dancing eyes smiling with the curve of his mouth. The way his bangs rest just above his brow line, straight and even, the edges of the sides curling up into the slightest wave soft and inviting. He wants to tuck his hair behind his ear and run his thumb over his high cheekbones down to his lips tracing the curve before leaning in and kissing him.

He inches his hand closer to Jared’s, snaking his fingers across the cold wrought iron spirals until he’s touching Jared’s wrist, slipping his fingers up and under the tight jacket cuff of his sleeve, caressing the tender thin flesh, warm and smooth.

They sit like this, barely entangled, only fingers touching soft flesh, stroking with hungry passion pushed just below the surface. The warm afternoon sun turning to a cooler early evening sun and they barely stir, fingers still pressed on Jared’s pulse, his want turning to need as Jensen moves his fingers ever so slightly tickling along the bumps of his veins.

The air turns cooler and a chill runs through Jensen. He moves closer to Jared, slipping his hand free, moving it down over the back of Jared’s hand, slipping his fingers between Jared’s and cupping the back of his hand, fingers wrapped under Jared’s palm and Jared squeezes back. They sit like this for a few minutes before Jared pulls away turning to Jensen. “It’s getting late.” His voice ragged, less jovial and more needy.

“Yeah.” Jensen sighs. “I guess we should go.” He says standing up and moving in front of Jared holding out his hand. Jared takes his hand, standing up next to Jensen, not letting go just changing the position of his hand to cup Jensen’s palm with his own and he drops his arm to his side between them. He looks deep into Jensen’s eyes giving him a knowing look as he licks his lips slowly, innocently, like he is giving away all of his darkest secrets just by holding Jensen’s hand.

They walk back to Jensen’s dorm holding hands all the way as Jared tells Jensen how he’s never had a boyfriend or girlfriend for that matter, how he has never kissed anyone except for a girl in grade school but actually she kissed him but it wasn’t nice. He told him how he didn’t like science or math until he was in high school when his older brother Jeff told him that nerds were cool and he should be as smart as possible to get the dates. Jensen listens intently as he prattles on in an almost nervous ramble.

They are walking up the stairs the sound of music blaring the closer they get to the third floor. Jensen looks back at Jared following him up the stairs. “Another party, can’t go through the weekend without at least one party in this place.” He rolls his eyes.
“Sounds like fun.” Jared says a wicked smile spreading across his mouth as he arches an eyebrow and bites his lower lip as if asking if they can join in too. Jensen shakes his head, makes a loud sighing noise, and smiles as he reaches out for Jared’s hand. “Come on if you want to see what you’re missing.” He pushes the door open into the thrall of people crowding the hall, beers spilling slick wet spots on the tile, music so loud you can barely hear yourself think, and girls in half undress with their hips gyrating as they make spectacles of themselves for the boys lining the hallway walls and doorways of their rooms. It’s a sexual overload for Jared who’s staring in amazement at the ritual of need, want and over indulgence but he thinks he likes what he sees. He smiles wide taking everything in as Jensen leads him down the hall to his room.

Jensen pulls a gawking Jared into his room before shutting the door. Jared’s smile is huge, his eyes bright and wide with excitement. “Are all dorm parties like this, because the ones below me seem pretty low key, well, from what I have heard and seen through the stairwell doorway?” Jensen laughs. “No kid, this is a senior dorm, they are partying like it’s the last days on Earth because for them, well, it is. Last chance to get the whole college sex, party, and drunken experience before graduation, ya know.”
“Wow, and me, a freshman attending a Senior Dorm party. Wow, is really all I can say.”
“Enjoy it while it lasts, I’m not freaking your mind out any more than it has to be Jared cause you’re pretty impressionable right now.”
“Shit Jensen I’m 18 years old, I’ve watched porn, I masturbate, I want something to drink.” Jared reaches for the door and Jensen stops him.
“We know you can be headstrong Jared but come on you lose too much of your inhibitions when you’re drunk, I mean clothes start coming off.” Jared gives him a strange look. “I’ve never been drunk before.” He says stepping back from Jensen. “Jensen why are you talking like you’ve seen me drunk?” Jensen stammers. “Well… uh…. I’ve seen my share of drunken freshmen and it’s always the same… clothes start flying everywhere.” Jared furrows his brow. “Yeah. You know you’ve been saying things and doing things that make me think you know something or think you know something about me you couldn’t possibly know.” Jensen steps back. “Come on Jared how could I?” He says reaching for the door. “If you’re so intent on taking your clothes off in a drunken stupor I’m gonna get us both a beer, ok.” He says slipping out into the hallway.

Jared looks around the room, peeking in the desk drawers before flopping down on the bed. He smooths the comforter out and lies back, putting his head on Jensen’s pillow, staring up at the poster taped to the ceiling above the bed. He rolls on his side and opens the tiny drawer on the bedside stand finding a string of condoms and a bottle of lube before quickly closing it. He sits up and takes off his jacket throwing it over the desk chair.

Jensen steps inside the door two bottles of beer in each hand. “Refreshments.” He says holding them up while kicking the door shut with his foot. He sets two of the bottles on the desk and hands Jared one of the other ones. He sits down next to him on the bed, opens the bottle up and clanks the neck against Jared’s. “Cheers.” He takes a long swallow. Jared gulps at his bottle and Jensen laughs. “Hey you don’t need to drink it all at once.” Jared drops the bottle down and smiles. “Oh, I knew that.” He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

“So, What do you do for fun?” Jared asks looking around the sparse room before picking up a remote. “Got any movies or anything?”
Jensen rubs the back of his neck remembering that the only entertainment he has is of the pornographic nature. “No. I usually rent them when I’m in the mood to watch them. Really with studying and all this,” He gestures towards the hallway. “There isn’t much time for much else.”
“Oh, I thought maybe you might have, well, you know.” Jared says looking down at the floor his fingers fiddling with the label on his beer bottle. Jensen breaks out into a laugh.
“OH so you want Porn, do you.” He rubs at his elbow before nudging Jared’s shoulder with his. “Not drunk enough for that yet.” He says laughing. “You little horn dog.”
Jared smiles shyly nudging Jensen back. “Nah.” He says quietly.

Jensen leans back on the bed his shirt rising up a little to expose his belly as he puts his hands behind his head to buffer it from the wall as he crosses his dangling feet at the ankle. “You know someone once told me that Porn is highly overrated, once you have the real thing.” He gives Jared a sideways glance. Jared looks at him his cheeks flush and takes another long swallow from his beer. “Yeah, I heard that too.” He says taking another long swig. Jensen watches his Adam’s apple bob under the up stretched skin of his neck, head tilted back as he swallows several times. “Yeah, he was right though, I miss him.” Jensen gets a faraway look in his eyes as he drinks his beer.

Jared’s done with his second beer, his checks are flush and he’s slightly tipsy when he takes Jensen’s from his hand and drinks from it. “Whoa there.” Jensen says taking the bottle back. “Want more, I can get you more but this one is mine.” He says setting it on the floor next to the foot of the bed. He shifts on his side and Jared is stretched out, full length of his lean thin body stretched lazily across his bed a silly grin painted on his face. “No, I got what I wanted from yours.” He says running his index finger over his lower lip as Jensen watches the seductive movement. “Yeah and what did my beer have that yours didn’t?”
“Your taste,” Jared says looking dreamily into Jensen’s green eyes. “Hey, your eyes are the greenest green I’ve ever seen.” He says reaching up and touching the bridge of Jensen’s nose. “You know what else?” His statement is a bit slurred. “What?” Jensen muses. “You have freckles, everywhere.” He proceeds to touch each freckle across the bridge of Jensen’s nose and across his cheeks. Jensen leans into the warm soft touch as Jared’s fingertips dance across his face. “Oh and you even have them here.” Jared gives a slight squeal of glee before dancing his fingers across Jensen’s exposed belly. “I like your freckles.” He gushes taking his lower lip between his teeth, hazel eyes flashing with a hint of desire. Jensen gives a low giggle at the tickling sensations rushing across his skin. He takes Jared’s hand and holds it down flat to his belly. “You have a nice touch.” His voice low as his heart beats fast with nervous tension and he feels like a virgin all over again.

Jared leans back pulling his hand from under Jensen’s. He leans forward looking into Jensen’s eyes mesmerized by the green and lets his mouth slip over Jensen’s. His lips are soft and dry, the lightest touch of heat and he feels himself pull off quickly. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have.” He lowers his head in embarrassment.
Jensen reaches up and touches Jared’s face, pulls it back up to meet his eyes. “Don’t be embarrassed. I liked it. I want to do it again, now.” He says pulling on Jared’s chin, angling his face to meet his mouth. Warm soft skin melts together, a slow slip of tongue along the pursed crease of Jared’s mouth and Jared shutters pushing harder against Jensen’s. Their mouths pushing tightly as Jared parts his lips to invite Jensen’s tongue inside letting it lick between the wet heat, the taste of beer still fresh on Jensen’s tongue and Jared relishes every wet swipe as he lets his tongue move lazily forward to touch Jensen’s. A slow tangle of tips brushing, swiping, licking at each other and Jared moans into Jensen’s mouth. Jensen reaches up and tangles his fingers through Jared’s hair holding his head tight to his as he pulls him down on top of himself, their chests laying flush against each other as their mouths grind and slip in a heated embrace.

Jared pulls loose from the kiss panting hard, his lips deep red from the crush of Jensen’s mouth. “MMMM, that was, nice, really nice. I’d say the best first kiss ever.” He rolls off Jensen, lying on his back, his hand resting on Jensen’s thigh as he tangles his ankle over Jensen’s slowly playing footsie with him as if they have all night to finish making out.

“You say the sweetest things.” Jensen says rolling over putting his head on Jared’s chest as he slips his fingers under Jared’s shirt to rest them on his hot bare skin and gives a very satisfied moan. “You always could make me feel like the world could stop and we’d never even notice it.” He sighs contentedly. Jared runs his fingers through Jensen’s hair wrapping his head around the words.

“Jensen?” Jared’s voice is shaky.
“Huh?” Jensen says unaware of what he has just said. His eyes closed listening to Jared’s heartbeat dance rhythmically in his chest.
“Why do you say these things to me? Like we were lovers, like you know me?” He starts to wriggle against Jensen in an attempt to move away.
Jensen sits up startled. He looks into Jared’s eyes with all the honesty he can muster. “Don’t be afraid, please don’t be afraid.” Jensen sits up on the bed and puts his head in his hands, breathes in deep. Jared is moving off the bed fearing that his first kiss was with an insane man. “I’m not afraid Jensen.” He says his voice cracking as he slowly reaches for his jacket.
Jensen turns to him tears in his eyes. “I do know you Jared.” He says in a pleading voice.
“But why do you think this?” Jared says holding his jacket on his lap making no sudden movements.
“I know you because.” He sighs deeply, his voice cracking, tears rolling down his cheeks. “You’re not going to believe me. I’m sorry I got you involved in this.” He says heart breaking into a million pieces. He reaches for Jared but he pulls away like the connection just a few minutes ago never happened. “Jared please listen to me. Don’t just listen to me, hear what I’m saying to you and know that it’s the truth.” He stands up, paces back and forth as Jared watches with one eye on Jensen and one on the door. “Go ahead, I’m listening, I’ll hear you.” He says lump in his throat.

“I know you because.” He takes a deep breath, sits down across from Jared in the desk chair and looks him directly in the eyes. “It all starts in the year 2005 in the University cafeteria when I sit down with you and we have lunch together.” He sees confusion in Jared’s face but continues on. “See, I have this ability, I can…. move through time, slip around and relive things, experience things over again. I know this sounds crazy, trust me I thought I was crazy for years. It started on my thirteenth birthday and I used it for years but when I met you, I stopped because I didn’t need it anymore, I was happy, things were good, nothing needed changing but then just a few days ago… I did it again for the first time in five years. I didn’t mean to come so far back, I only wanted to move back a few weeks but I woke up here in the year 2000… again. See in the Future we are in a relationship, by the year 2010 we’ve been in it for five years, we are in love, well, actually we married each other in 2007. We have a house, well it was my house but it’s ours now. I’m actually 32yrs old and now I’m stuck inside my 22year old body reliving my senior year of college for some reason and I don’t know why.” Jared’s eyes are wide, his brain unable to comprehend what is being thrown at him in a jumbled mess, words from a mad man.
“Wait, hold on a minute.” Jared interrupts. “You want me to believe that in what, ten years from now we are fucking married with a house.” He stands up and puts his hands to his head squeezing the sides of it. “I mean Jensen, if you’re trying to hit on me to get me to sleep with you, this isn’t the way. Before you opened your mouth with this tall tale I would have but now. I mean you’re fucking crazy man.” He drops his arms and heads for the door.

“I don’t know how to prove it to you. I’ve been trying to get back through time back to you in the future, every day I try, but every day I fail. I’m here… stuck in this time again. But this time everything is different. I met you here and now for the first time I can’t slip in and out like I did before; I’m getting to know you all over again as Jared the 18yr old boy not the 23yr old man who was still a virgin, never been kissed and socially awkward.” Jensen stands up, rubs the back of his neck, strokes his temples. “I don’t understand it Jared, I don’t know why but I’m just trying to find that connection with you again because damn it I still love you with all my heart but now, I don’t know, I think I’m actually falling in love with you all over again and it’s scary and new. And Fuck.”

Jared stares at Jensen with his mouth open and he can’t, he won’t and doesn’t believe what he’s hearing. “You’re crazy. I don’t know what else to call it Jensen. You need help; you can’t prove anything to me because there is nothing to prove. I know damned well when I’m 23 I won’t still be a virgin and who are you to tell me I’m socially awkward. And Married, Married…. how can you say something like that to me, it’s just….. Mean.” He turns to leave looks back and screams at Jensen as he pulls the door open “You’re a fucker!” The words tear from his lips like blades cutting through the air.

Jensen reaches for him. “No please Jared, please.” He begs as Jared disappears down the hallway through the crowd of people. He closes the door and sinks against it, his body limp and boneless with the loss he feels in his heart.

He lies on the floor for what seems like hours, the music dies off, people knock at his door but he just lies there unable to move or speak. His brain is full of things he wants to say to Jared, wants him to know but he won’t listen, he doesn’t want to hear the ramblings of a mad man and why should he, what proof can he offer Jared that he isn’t a mad man.

Jensen stops trying to slip back to Jared in the future because he knows the future he had with Jared is gone. He knows everything that has happened here has impacted what he will jump back to and he doesn’t want a future without the love he has known there.

Everyday Jensen walks past Jared’s dorm, he stares at it in the early hours of the morning hoping but knowing even if he sees him it will only break his heart into another million pieces.

He avoids the cafeteria and eats alone in his dorm room, he doesn’t want to see him or Sandy for that matter because, well, he is sure that Jared told her everything about how insane he is and he just can’t face that.



Chapter 6